osup guys look a crosspost, WILL IT WORK?!

 Stupid vlog is all badly edited cos my computer is too shite to edit properly and it makes me really saaaaaaaaad but I’m just gonna clean up a couple really REALLY awful things (one of which involves splicing some annoying bullshit cos it’s cut like, uggghhh, not even gonna get into the janky shit I have to do just to make cuts in videos) and put it up here tonight. Probably not gonna throw it out for public consumption.

I wish it didn’t take so damn long to edit anything on my computer. It makes me sad. All I’m doing is making splices! But after I make a few splices, it starts lagging on the transition between the edits, so I can’t actually see WHERE I’m editing. Since it’s laggy n’ shit. So I have to basically re-compress it into a video every round of edits, and then put it back into Movie Maker and make more edits until it slows down and, as I discovered yesterday, if I don’t restart between round 1 and 2, it’s laggy anyway.

Really awful.

My computer’s only 4 years old, maaaan, and it was pretty top of the line for laptops when I got it. Barf!

Anyway so yeah it took me 3 hours to do my minor edits last night. And then when I threw it together it was awful so I did more, and I finally got around to trying to watch that and it was all fucked up so I just gave up.

HOORAY.

Yeah it’s not gonna be good. On top of what will be maybe the worst editing you’ve ever seen in your life, I was also flippin’ drained from caffeine withdrawal. Nothing worthwhile was spilling from my face and I was too drained/depressed to script.

That’s the weird thing, man. First few days of the cleanse, even when I’m not actively tired, I just feel… completely lacking in motivation. I just can’t bring myself to give two shits about anything. Maybe it’s a chemical thing, or maybe just… Yeah, whatever, so I was hella depressed and now I’m okay.

I’m actually legit okay today! Emotionally. Although this is the first day I’ve been thinking "blah fuck these self-imposed rules, I DO WHAT I WANT." But I know how I am. I cross one line, I cross them all. At least, until I reach the point where I don’t care about the things anymore.

Gosh, not smoking has been so easy though! I have no idea if I intend to keep it up post-cleanse, but I do know it’s weirdly non-challenging.

Well, I say that now, but my main trigger–walking home from work–hasn’t happened yet, since I worked from home yesterday.

If I can stay off the lung-murdering junk for long enough to freaking kick this cough, at least? That would be hella nice.

I’m not a long-term goal kinda person. They intimidate me and cause me to immediately give up. I’m so, so, so much happier now that I don’t have a long-term plan for my future, crushing me with the weight of Things I Haven’t Accomplished Yet. And I’ll probably accomplish more things without that pressure, but even if I don’t, I WON’T CARE NEARLY AS MUCH YAAAAAY.

Sugarless mint tea is shit. But it’s warm shit, so I’ll take it. I can’t bring myself to just drink hot water. That’s fucking gross. Oh shit now I gotta crosspost this to OD.

Oh BTW I’ve been more productive at work, too. Lol. Fucking cleanse, stop being good for me in obvious ways when I clearly HATE YOU SO MUCH.

Still not completely winning the Expel Waste Game though. Yeah. Bowel updates. You love them. I love them. Everybody wins* * *

* * *except the poop factory in my body, it’s pretty pissed at me right now for gumming up the works