la la boring observations

 Just had a thought, wanted to write it down before I lost it.  (she usually says while fucking high, but I’m actually stone cold sober right now, sans caffeine.)

 
Been wondering lately when my taste in dudes changed so significantly.  I mean, I often chalk it up to DW being the Manly Type and thus by association I now find Manly Type appealing because HE’S appealing.  But there was obviously attraction to begin with, and it extended beyond shared music interest, ya know?
 
It’s weird, man.  Because most of my life, I gravitated toward fairly androgynous men.  Like, not COMPLETELY on the fence, but nothing stereotypically "masculine" about them, other than maybe a love of fart jokes.  And a competitive nature, sometimes, but only in video games?
 
Anyway, I just saw a picture of someone on Facebook, some friend of a friend gesturing toward a pinball machine on which he scored 5 points somehow, and I was like "that’s a skinny nerdy dude I would have found hot a while ago."
 
Why not now?
 
Welp, I think it’s association, really.  I dated enough nerds of my generation, and interacted with them in general, to realize the specific brand of person I was attracted to… had absolutely no applicable real-life skills and no interest in carving a path for themselves.  Basically.  Lazy, entitled, judgmental little boys who still rely on their parents to take care of them whenever they feel like playing 18 hours of WoW instead of paying their rent.  Kids who, regardless of age, have no sense of responsibility.
 
They may be able to talk a big intellectual game, but what the fuck is the point of philosophizing when you have no interest in applying it to your own life?
 
Of course, this isn’t ALL nerds.  Lots of nerds make big changes and grow up while maintaining the same interests, which is cool, but I guess I just don’t expect it anymore.
 
And what the fuck do I mean, anyway?  I BARELY pay my rent, and unless someone who’s not cool with filth (DW and Jamie) are coming over, I don’t even bother to clean my apartment.  Not until the last few months, at least.  So what do I define as adulthood?
 
I guess it’s just the entitlement thing.  The mindless expectation that if you don’t fix your own shit, someone else will.  That the world owes you something and you never have to give anything back, and why would you take time out of your precious CS party (ha ha do people even play that anymore, i don’t know) to pay it back anyway?  People will keep you afloat either way, so fuggit, just gonna pretend this is what adulthood feels like.
 
And that’s the other part that bugs the shit out of me.  The defensiveness.  "Hey man don’t even go there, I know how hard life is, what with paying my own car insurance sometimes and working 15 hours a week in a niche comic book store.  God, I mean, it’s SO HARD."
 
So yeah, dudes who try real hard at things and have actually attempted to achieve some of their goals are now attractive to me instead.  Hooray!
 
I dunno man.  I lived in that world for a long time myself.  Crushed by the guilt of relying on others, but still being way too terrified of the outside world to enter it.
 
But there’s a difference between fear and laziness, and I think that’s the major defining factor for me.  I know some people who are afraid.  I know a lot more who just can’t be arsed, and that’s just like ick gross no.
 
KAY THAT’S ALL back to looking at sugar dispensers on the internet wtf.