IF I COULD TUUUURN BACK TIME *

My fucking wallet is GONE.  I used it to pay when I got on the bus, didn’t ever take it out after that, and didn’t discover this until the BUS RIDE HOME UGH.
 
Ran back to work, checked, no one there to look in lost and found, gotta wait until tomorrow morning.
 
Called Metro, they say they won’t know if anything was found today until around 11 AM tomorrow.
 
Texted DW, broke a silence that probably wasn’t really a silence but felt like a silence because I was uncomfortable during it, asked about the whatever he’s been building lately in wherever, told him my wallet was gone, and he said he would take me out to dinner and I was like YEAH AWESOME I HAVE NO FOOD AND NO MONEY TODAY and then I remembered I’m gonna have to sit across from him and look at him and pretend I don’t know where this is heading because i said it now, I fucking told someone about it and now it’s in there, undeniable, in clear sentences.  Feels like a fucking sign on my forehead.  And now I have to pretend.
 
So now I’m high which won’t make it better but at least it will help me eat later with this ball of stress in my stomach about All The Things.  The stress.  Not my stomach.  All the things, ALL THE THINGS
 
I need to chill the fuck out and stop praying for death
 

edit: I’m having the conversation and want so desperately to just say I’m done. I can’t do this.