Feels*

I feel angry and sad and lonely today.

 
I really want some fucking weed.
 
 
EDIT: AND. I spent four fucking hours reading this raging piece of shit because DW is in love with it.  It’s disgusting and, well.  Not "sexist," per se, as much as "extremely condescending toward anyone with feminine qualities, but dodges the ‘sexist’ bullet by claiming these traits have nothing to do with your sex"…ist.
 
I scribbled angry notes in it, wrote a 3-page document (in 10-point single-spaced Times) about how much it pissed me off, and now my head won’t stop spinning.  Sat down with The Walking Dead and I’ve calmed down a little.  Just a little.
 
I don’t want to believe that he believes any of this shit.  It hurts me to think he does.
 
More than I want to admit to myself, I think.
 
I feel like my dad could have written it.  My dad combined with a low budget motivational speaker and a Buddhist who never bothered to read about his own fucking religion.
 
I know he’s smarter than this, but how could he buy into it?
 
Sometimes I wonder about the people I choose to love.  Whether I’m just… convincing myself I’m getting better, when really I’m just picking my father over and over again in different ways.
 
But i know that’s not true this time.  I know he just got… caught up in the concept of it and didn’t read it rationally.  He’s one of the most respectful/feministic dudes I know.  I just.  This was a blow to my respect for him.
 
But he took a huge risk loaning it to me, knowing I would possibly feel that way about it, so I’m going to try really hard not to present my opinion that way.
 
Also, thanks, OD, for doing that fucking thing again where you don’t post my entries in bookmarks.  I LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT