Awkwardness (Not Mine This Time?!) *DOUBLE-LOL

Oh, you guys, the LOLZ that happen in my brain sometimes.

I dated this dude for a while who thought he was the greatest at being charming/funny, when in reality he had a handful of stories he would shove at you (granted, in a somewhat entertaining, if slightly forced, fashion) without allowing the opportunity to actively engage in conversation because STORIES.

He was also woefully insecure, and any time I start talking about, uh… Anything not related to how amazing he is, he’d find completely nonsense excuses to just tell me about other girls, or worse, NOT EVEN BOTHER WITH EXCUSES AND JUST INTERRUPT ME TO SHOW ME ALL THE WOMEN WHO LOOKED AT HIM ON OKCUPID THAT DAY.

And like, maybe if I was 16 and remotely interested in a long-term relationship with a shallow, un-self-aware manchild, then maybe it would have worked?  But instead it was just… literally laughable.  My first, instinctive response was to just straight-up laugh at him.  And so he’d get more insecure and talk about more women.

Anyhoo, we only did that thing for a few weeks before he realized he couldn’t reel me in with The Same Stories Over and Over (seriously who the fuck runs through all their stories in 6 weeks of casual dating, YOU HAVE BEEN ALIVE FOR 25 YEARS WTF), we went our separate ways.

The last time we hung out as Kinda Maybe Dating People, we went to his place.  I wound up chatting with his roommate a lot because she’s super cool, and he kept trying to go back to this one story of this college club he started (or joined or something) that fell apart because of some sort of interpersonal drama, and of course his roommate was THERE when this happened so she’d heard it/lived it before, and I, ya know… didn’t really care?  So we let him finish, changed the subject, and he kept being like "well not to keep bringing it back to this but I feel like I was right in that scenario" and we just kinda… Like, we let him go, but took the opportunity to continue our own separate conversation when we could?

And once, when I’m like, mid-sentence, he’s just like "YOU’RE ONLY HERE TO HANG OUT WITH MY ROOMMATE ANYWAY!"  Like, he literally SHOUTED it at an uncomfortable volume in their quiet living room, but in a tone that implied it was suppose to be… a joke?  Even though it had LITERALLY NO CONTEXT AT ALL WHATSOEVER?

So then there’s

*awkward silence*

followed by

"That made it awkward."

Yeah. He said that.  About his own comment.  Oh my god dude.  Oh my god.  Do not.  Do not point out your own awkwardness in the middle of the hanging awkward silence.  DO NOT.

We totally blew past it without even blinking, which I think is the best reaction we could have had given the circumstances.  We just pretended it was never even awkward and after about thirty seconds, no tension remained.  Hooray!  Crisis averted, sort of!

Anyway, for the last two years since we dated, he occasionally casually tries to get me to hang out and I usually ignore it cos meh, dude.  Meh.  You are boring and think you’re funny, and that is the worst combination to me.  Do not want, even as a friend.

POINT POINT POINT: I just logged into Facebook, looked at my notifications, saw he liked a photo, blah blah, didn’t even think about it, and then I see he’s posted on my wall.  ON MY WALL FOR ALL TO SEE:

"I feel the need to lampshade the fact that I just liked a photo you added here months ago?"

Hahahahahaha THERE HE GOES AGAIN!
 
Like dude.  Seriously.  You did an awkward thing that implies you were browsing through all my pictures.  Whatever!  I didn’t even notice!  We all get the occasional "like" on something old.  I don’t even know how Facebook timelines even work now so I don’t even make assumptions anymore.  It was just a silly cartoon picture.  
 
And what’s more, no one else can see that you liked it, man!  You liking an old picture isn’t gonna pop up on my wall, so if you felt the need to "lampshade" your awkwardness, YOU COULD HAVE DONE IT IN A PRIVATE MESSAGE AND AVOIDED TELLING EVERYONE I KNOW THAT YOU ARE FACEBOOK-STALKING ME.
 
Oh man.  Comedy fucking gold.
 
I don’t like to laugh at people’s awkwardness, but he’s got such a huge ego that I think it’s valid in this case.  Fuck that guy.  
 
Ha ha.  Man.  Sometimes I love knowing people who suck at things more than I do.
 
 
DOUBLE-LOL EDIT:  While I was submitting this entry, he commented on his own comment: "We should also hang out sometime"
 
Llololollololollolo HERE WE GO AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN.
 
(By the way, this is not a case of him genuinely liking me.  He just hates rejection SO MUCH that he has to "win" every girl who’s ever turned him down, even if it’s been holy shit 3 FUCKING YEARS now.)