Adult Fail #7347240720454222222232314 *$$$s

I think that maybe the post office decided I no longer live here because I haven’t checked my mail in.

Uh.

I’m not even gonna tell you because the number is not even in  an acceptable measurement of time.

So yeah whatever fine it’s probably been like three months.

SHUT UP I HATE MAIL OKAY IT’S LIKE A WEIRD NONSENSE PHOBIA EXCEPT NOT REALLY NONSENSE BECAUSE ONLY BAD THINGS HAPPEN IN THE MAIL.

But i bought Alicia a birthday present and realized if they mail it USPS, I might not even get it unless I check my mail.

But yeah whatever anyway la la la no big deal, that’s fixable, just embarrassing and I hope I don’t have, like.  Letters telling me about deaths of family members or some shit.  Ha ha, wow, I don’t know if there’s anyone I would care about enough for that to matter, unless it was mom or dad I guess.

Anyway to off-set the horrendous non-adulthood that just happened, gonna make me some of this and this and have The Bro + Co and maybe Ben over to eat it om nom nom nom, mainly cos (A) MOTHERFLIPPING PUMPKIN TIME and (B) they’re cheap, low prep times, stuff I will eat later, etc.  By the way guys, I’m kind of in love with that site since [IFellAsleepOnMyArm] linked to a tortellini recipe I made.  It was hella cheap and easy and actually tasted good WHAAAAT.  And it’s a good middle ground between "totally canned, totally instant, totally processed" and "buy fresh Everything and dry seasoning is banned and spend three hours prepping it and then let most of the (freaking expensive) ingredients waste away in your fridge because you don’t know what else to use them for."  And it seems really fucking hard to find that middle ground, so this is a really nice starting point to get me back into cooking without feeling more expensive and wasteful than eating out every night.  Hooray!

Oh, I guess Ben and I are fine.  It seems fine now.  Who knows?  Dumb fight, I was drunker than I thought and drunker than he knew about and whatever, maybe I wasn’t worried about it even when I thought we were over because I knew we really weren’t–that this issue, whatever the fuck it is, hasn’t reached the surface yet enough for me to even consider acting on it.  

And shit, maybe it’s just a non-issue.  Can’t tell the difference these days, SUPER tired of trying to figure it out, so I’m just gonna pop some Excedrin and grocery shop and continue living because I can’t even muster an emotion other than general contentment with my life.

So…. Is that what emotional health feels like?  Not avoiding stressful thoughts, but simply not having them?  Allowing life to happen to you and not feeling the urge to push it away for any reason, even though you know it might go wrong?

I dunno, could just be insanity.  ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

EDIT 2: Oh man, wanted to mention the money thing–y’all all dropped some numbers on me about what you make, like "holy shit I can’t believe that salary maaaaaaan" and you’re TOTALLY RIGHT.  Like, first of all, I lucked the fuck out hardcore.  Second, it’s kind of crazy how much more expensive it is to live here than in, say, my home town (or even home city, really).  And I’d say MOST of that money is food-related.  It’s just simply more expensive to buy things here.  I always forget how MUCH more until I take a trip back home and it’s like "8 gallons of ___ for 30 cents" and I just shit myself.

It took me a long-ass time to handle it, but now I’d never go back.  I like having the option to buy good food, honestly.  Oh, rent is more expensive here too, though I srsly lucked out.  I know one of y’all has a studio apartment for I think 800 a month?  In a place that CLEARLY DOESN’T ADJUST PAY RATES TO THAT KIND OF RENT, jesus, because like, I pay $745 for my 700 sq. ft. one-bedroom.

Now, granted, a LOT of people have told me what an amazing deal this is, and I literally haven’t ever seen/heard of someone paying less (or even an equal amount) for this size apartment.  But even so, my bro and his wife were in a slightly smaller one bedroom for 800-850, and the only reason it was that much is cos it allowed dogs (which is a serious commodity ’round these parts).

My highest paying job in CO was an even 11 an hour, and that’s only because they were literally FORCED by corporate to "hire" me into a manager’s position–i.e., pretend to be CSM when they couldn’t really spare the time to have me up there, so I would just pretend to know how to do the job when the DMs would come in.  Before that I never made more than… Hm.  Maybe like 8 bucks an hour?  9 at most?

So then I move here and I start a freaking temp job in a mail room and the temp place throws 12 an hour at me and I’m like ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS YES PLEASE HOLY SHIT I’M GONNA BUY ALL THE THINGS INCLUDING A YACHT.

And when I was paying half this much in rent, I was stacking up the savings, for sure.  But even then, it was largely cos I was eating pasta every night and never buying anything.  As soon as I stopped eating the same thing every night, my savings tanked, credit card debt went up, and before I recognized exactly how different the prices were, I moved into an apartment that costs twice as much.

So basically, EVEN FOR SEATTLE I’m now making a pretty decent chunk of change for the job I’m doing (especially considering insurance is practically free and oh yeah, this job required no experience), but I guess if I were to mentally adjust it to where I used to live, it’d be more like 13 an hour.  Still pretty fucking exciting to suddenly make if you’re an unschooled layman like myself, but probably not as exciting as it sounds if you don’t adjust for the fact that it’s a stupidly expensive city.

My bro still makes way more than me, but eff him, he didn’t have to do his time in retail.  He was handed a phone/computer related job at 18 and has had more time to work his way up the ranks, that asshole.  ASSHOLE.

Though really, he had to do tech support at DirecTV which honestly sounds maybe worse than being vomited on by drunks for a living.  But he also had the option to quit for another, equally well-paying phone job pretty much anywhere, whereas retail is… Well, minimum wage everywhere unless you’re a goddamn wizard and/or in management, at which point you’ve already dedicated 5-10 years of your fucking life to retail, AND you’re only gonna make what my bro made at DirecTV when he was 19 (which was probs like 12 an hour, in Colorado where that was decent).

Okay yeah sorry that was a lot of shit about money woooooooo bye now