Aaaauuugghhhh mother of god* * *

 So I’m sick.  And it could be way, way worse.  The fever’s pretty mild, and my throat’s only a little scratchy, and I’m only kinda congested, but what’s killing me is the stabbing pain in my stomach every time I drink water.  I haven’t even tried food, y’all.  It sounds like a terrible idea.

Also, walking.  Walking isn’t fun.  There’s stabbing pain when my stomach jostles around.  Christ.  Maybe I have ulcers or something.

It’s not THAT bad, but bad enough that I’m worried about it.  And afraid to drink coffee.  But not sure how else I’m gonna make it through the day.

Ahhh, fevers.  There’s something strangely satisfying about them.  It dissociates me.  It’s unique and a little bit trippy.  But I always enjoyed slightly altered states of consciousness.  I like to break up the monotony once in a while.

Also, there’s the intense pleasure of crawling under a warm blanket when you have a fever.  Granted, doing this with a bad enough fever can melt your brain, but when it’s only KINDA bad, it feels like the gods have rained sunshine on you.  At no other time do I so fully appreciate being within a comfortable temperature range.  It makes it almost impossible to get out of bed, but while you’re IN bed, it’s better than sex.

I really hope this doesn’t hang on until next weekend, though.  I plan to take Monday and Friday off and visit Vancouver. I’m spoiled by these short work weeks.  It makes me want to never come back.

Ugh, you guys, I am so INANE today.  Sorry.  I’ll make some jokes later or something.

Fuck, I have to go downstairs to pick up mail, and it’s a giant open garage so it’s essentially like being outside, and it’s effing cold and I am not excited.  This is when fevers blow.

Also, I hope I don’t poop myself today.

EDIT: I figured out why this feeling is familiar. You know when you have the legit flu and throw up for a couple days, and then when it stops, your stomach feels all achy and too empty?  It’s like that, except worse, and I haven’t vomited.

The fuck?

Maybe I did vomit last night and I don’t remember.  Maybe it was INVISIBLE VOMIT.

Ha ha, sorry guys.  Dayquil.

EDIT 2: Oh my god, you guys, this SUCKS.  I’m not nauseous anymore, so I’m eating, but everything I eat brings back the stomach cramps within, like, 10 seconds of landing in the belly, and it lasts about five minutes.  It’s SO WEIRD.  And yet it’s STILL not making me nauseous.  I don’t get it, you guys. And I really don’t want to have to go to a doctor, because I’m super hella poor.

Omg, did it just suddenly and magically get better while I was typing that?  Maybe!  That would be pretty fuckin’ rad.

3: Aaaand the prodigal return of the pain