Jonathan Fisk speaks with his fists

It’s a weird mood being both upset yet slightly serene. Nothing is going well lately. One of my closest friends Jess (some of you know her on here as she’s awesome) is going through a really rough time and I really don’t know what to do =( If I could make it better I would believe me. I’m also having anxiety attacks again, over stupid petty things and am hating myself for it. If I could only find a way to make us all happy ultimately. It’s just that with people… you can’t change them if they don’t want to be changed and feelings are such hard things. I hate feelings ._. I hate feeling.

Enough of that. No matter how much I ‘vent’ the anxiety will still be there, no matter how many times I’m reassured or berated for it. I just have to make do and try not to get too upset and do something really stupid =/

So anyhow. I have to leave for work in half an hour. I’m not dressed, my hair is a mess, I need a hairtie and I havn’t eaten. =o I’ve made it my resolve to try and not eat any Mcdonalds this week. Sure I get it half price and there are healthy-ish things on the menu but meh. Morris made me a small thickshake yesterday. It tasted like melted softserve :/

There’s this guy at work called James and not many people like him since he’s obnoxious and lazy but I like him since he at least talks to me and jokes around with me. He’s not a bad guy, just a bit silly. Everyone gives him shit though and he’s recieved a warning slip for mucking up too much.

Anyways Morris turned to me yesterday infront of James and Carlos and said, "Hey Toni do you think James is hot?"
I looked at him silently thinking, "Don’t do this -_-"
"Um…what?" I said, giving him a weird look.
"C’mon, he’s either hot or ugly, choose."
"I..can’t..say?" -I really can’t. He’s not attractive to me in that way (especially since you know my attentions are focussed on someone else atm =p). I didn’t want to say either -_- so I didn’t.
"Why can’t you say? Because you know, I think he’s an ugly cunt"
"Yeah but you’re a guy so your opinon is null and void"
"No it isn’t >("
But thankfully he let it go. Talk about akward -_- Also what is with my co-workers randomly bringing my names in conversations? "You’re emo, Carlos." "No Toni is!" "Toni thinks you’re dumb." Etc

I get the feeling they like making fun of me since I’m so quiet =/ But you know, whenever I try to talk to them about stuff they either can’t hear me, are ‘busy’ or don’t seem very interested. So go figure. I also shouldn’t of gave them my myspace. Because now I get random calls of "OMG NINJA!" and "Why are you such a ninja Toni?" "Why do you like ninja’s?" etc. They really aren’t into the internet scene and most of them have extreemly bad spelling on myspace Dx I feel so out of place there.

Well anyway. Out of here <3 love you guys.

~ToNi~