check in

haven’t posted for awhile, thought i’d update.

i self harmed yesterday, broke my three day streak. fuck that. i plan to do it again soon too. why do i even have i am sober?

i cant wear short sleeves now, even tho i doesn’t show, even the slightest movement and boom! freak alert!

i wore a short sleeve shirt yesterday, fuuuuuuuck. i wore it with a jacket so i thought it would be fine. in period 3 my arm had an itch. i’m still not completely used to my scars to i pulled down my jacket and pushed up the sleeve revealing my cuts. dumbassdumbassdumbass. as soon as i felt the bumpy skin i jerked down my sleeve and pulled up my jacket. i sit in the front row. i’m toast. idk if the teacher saw, but a student definitely did.

i hate all of my friends

i mean, i love them, it’s just they can be so stupid.

they always say stuff like, “oh you spend so much time with Z” or “aren’t you busy with Z?” i wish they would shut up. i’m DATING her. of course i’m going to spend time with her! whenever i say “oh i’m hanging out with Z what ab …” they get so mad and it makes me feel really bad. i’m trying to balance out hanging out with them and i think i’m doing a pretty good job! but i can’t just spend 24/7 with them, that would be unfair to Z.

i cant make anyone happy.

that’s my checkin! i’m supposed to hang out with Z today so i’m excited. we haven’t hung out in awhile. idk if i’m gonna bc my mom said i had to be on time for school (which starts at 7:55) and it’s now 8:40. hopefully i can manipulate her tho, i’m kinda good at that. anyways, that’s all!