The frequency of intimacy

I’m thinking about someone I met shortly after I arrived in Puerto Rico like the night before I decided I’d be safer if I blocked everyone left from high school from my Facebook (a night or two after I blocked the supposed ‘valedictorian’ of my class for turning out to be the same kind of absurd person I am about to talk about here).

He is Puerto Rican and grew up in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. We had a fascinating conversation but one of the things he brought up keeps resonating with me and that is that most people don’t know themselves or understand themselves and so the frequency of intimacy makes them uncomfortable. He told me prophets aren’t recognized in their hometown and lovingly encouraged me to just go and make movies and live and he really made a difference in helping me feel at home on the island in my first week here.

I keep thinking about the frequency because it has been one of the most powerful and useful concepts to me over the last few months. It’s amazing how relevant it is to so much that has happened to me over the last few years and especially the last couple of years and then most recently I got a front row seat in how guys who have no sense of the spirit of intimacy can play all the games that worked for them all their life but as soon as they confront the crucial fact of intimacy and accept that it is really going on around them they don’t know what to do with their games anymore. Intimacy has a force field around it and an actual frequency and such people become like a parade of Lexuses that are all too easily crushed with nothing more than a flyswatter.

One could develop a philosophy of it. There are some people who are uncomfortable with the transformational frequency of intimacy. Maybe they want to be artists or they want to be real or connect but patriarchy and militarisation and all the forces that try to make us believe that we are alone and worthless make this scary for them. They think the only way to get what they want is to bring others down but as soon as they realise that what they are attacking is real intimacy that actually exists they perish like moths drawn to a flame. They are uncomfortable with the fact that you are in tune with the frequency of intimacy and they run away from confronting the reality of themselves with every fibre in their beings so they will try to discourage you and bring you down in any way they can in an attempt to run away from their discomfort. Of course these are people that can learn to face the terrifying fears that arise when one begins to become intimate with oneself and they can become artists but they can also turn out like Anakin Skywalker. I hope that the old classmates I blocked don’t turn out to be like Anakin and find the creative power in themselves to feel fully alive and in connection with the beautiful world around us but as for the ‘valedictorian’ of my class I don’t think there is really much hope).

Then there are others who are or have somehow become so averse to the frequency of intimacy it is like they sense the whole universe as a struggle for power and whenever they sense something between two people that feels like it could turn into connection they do anything in their power to thwart it. They think it will be easy to do with the master’s tools they have been using all my life but they become hysterically absurd in the process. They have no grasp of the fact that connection may already be there and more solidly fortified than they can imagine and that they may be stepping into something really dangerous. They think those of us who are in tune with intimacy are the ones in danger until the truth of it hits them like a flame hits a moth or a flyswatter hits a bunch of damn Lexuses.

They are really most often pretty laughable because they don’t realise that there is often an actual invisible string connecting people that can’t be broken by their games and the moment they realise the frequency of intimacy is real they get threatened to death by it. There is no escape, nowhere to turn except confronting themselves, and if they’ve done a lot of bad things it may take lifetimes of karma to dispel the darkness in them. They may gradually or suddenly and immediately realise their immoral actions are not actually going to get them anywhere and that they can’t change fate, that the games that worked for them so long don’t have real power when confronted with real intimacy, and they don’t realise that it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone, this frequency is real and it is a powerful protection for those of us who value connection over throwing darts at everything that looks like it’s having a better time than you.

One of the beautiful things about Open Diary is it makes space for those of us who do wish to be intimate with ourselves and allows us to share it with others. I bow to those who are making the journey to knowing themselves.