Sick

Sometimes after writing I make a list in my head of things that I could have been clearer about or that need to be corrected since I strive to be as accurate as possible though depending on the purpose of a particular writing it may be more or less important. I’m on the fence about whether to correct my statement that Joe Biden’s recent NATO Summit speech took place in Lithuania or if on a certain level I intended that mistake but in any case I do recommend watching Joe Biden’s NATO Summit speech from last year in Lithuania.

I am thinking about Joe Biden’s comments that an assassination attempt was ‘sick’ and I think about how the violence at the rally compares to violence done to me by those who somehow lay a laim to being part of my family. What kind of a sick person has sex with his sick neighbour (and who knows who else) while his wife is in the *hospital*? A person who abused me too and was horrible to me and abused her responsibility as an employee of a public library and probably the post office too and yet I am supposed to *accept* her presence in my life and something is wrong with *me* for hating her? I am supposed to go on acting like these things didn’t happen. I’m supposed to go on acting like he never tried to kill me and I can’t tell you how many times he’s tried to kill me. All the stories he must have fed her about me, stories that probably keep her from seeing how badly I actually need my service dog (whose back he probably broke when we first got him, that’s how evil he is), how can I talk to her until you know he is gone and you are safe and she knows full well that he is sick?

When I tried to tell my mother he had just one of these affairs, she was standing right by the stairs where he stole my passport, and she screamed at me that she didn’t want to hear this but it’s *true* and if you can’t tell the awful truth that her criminal husband is having sex with the criminal next door whatever is the singular for hair lice and calling his wife the devil for my ears while she is in the hospital making it absolutely clear that we are political tools to him to enact political violence and not *family* to him, that he does not care about my mother’s life when she is in the hospital and I am the only one who can convince her that she needs to go because she’s stuck in such an abusive house with him and he just wants her to stay there and die… I needed something around me that feels like *love* rather than utter hatred what can you tell her? When you were in the hospital he abused me with the absolute truth that he hates both of us!!! It’s the truth. How can I even talk to her now? What is there to say? He is evil. I’ve told her that. It’s too much to take and if she can’t figure out that I’m telling the truth what is there to say?

I hope she has, I hope my not getting back to her and her noticing whatever their responses might have been to this assassination attempt may lead her to start to put together evidence that something I am saying is right and that her living in a house with him is the absolute worst thing for me… and for her. I hope so but how am I supposed to find out?

My mother asked him to put out money for me to get some food but of course she was vulnerable and in the hospital and he never did that so I needed to use collectible coins given to me by my mother’s mother just to eat food and you cannot explain to your mother this kind of evil or the fact that he laughed at her and called her the devil when he was on the phone with who knows who, pretty much intending to torture me to death, and creating more nightmares in me than I can possibly say, and I just can’t imagine that such a sick person could still be living anywhere near my mother. I don’t know what he’s done to keep her from believing me that what he has done is absolutely evil and that while she was in the hospital he demonstrated that he was sick, sick, sick — it is sick to steal the passport of your wife’s child and then their bank card in hopes that they will be cut off from resources and end up dying, it’s as sick as an attack on a political campaign with a semi-automatic rifle, and yet up until recently there has been no way of telling your mother how sick this is and that the man she is living with is trying to kill you. There is no way to talk about how sick her other son is, thanks to his supposed father, who never was one to either of us.

I’m guessing he’s probably come up with stories about me that somehow she bought and that’s why she treats me like nothing I say matters no matter how bad I tell her it is, and it is that bad. He will make her think there’s something wrong with me to get out of the fact that he is as sick as they come and I just hope that she condemns those kinds of values and sees that her supposed husband is simply sick and not someone to live with for a second more for the safety and well-being of me and whatever real family she has left. And as for the ‘neighbour’ someone needs to arrest her and take her house away from her or else my mother needs to leave and never come back because neither she nor I can live next to that violent garbage anymore…