Year in Review

New Year’s Eve was a similar story to last time – it started out crappy with a side of crap, but got better as the night progressed. It didn’t peak at Champagne time like last year though. This time the Champagne just knocked me out – I was in bed by 1:30 am. Snooze. 

I’ve been avoiding the Year in Review because at first glance this year has been a bit of drag, with no significant happenings. OH. Except my first trip to Europe!! Still kicking myself for not having properly documented it here, but I guess my 500 photos will have to do as far as memories go. This one-liner doesn’t do it justice, but it really was a fantastic experience. I definitely look forward to more travels this year – although I don’t know when I’ll have the time 🙁
 
2010 marked the beginning of my second year in medical school. It wasn’t terribly exciting, but it happened. The workload increase was..substantial, but I’m dealing. This summer I also completed my first lab rotation. I liked the lab a lot, and there’s a good chance I’ll choose to do my PhD there. But my rotation project was a complete bust. That combined with how tough J has had it in the past few years has really raised my concerns about whether I’m cut out for a career in research. I love science, I really do. I started working in a university lab when I was 16 and continued through out undergrad and beyond. But I can’t ignore the fact that NONE of my projects have ever been successful. I got by because I’m an OK writer and can word things well enough to get people’s attention or to convince them something’s got potential, but that can only get you so far! At some point I’ll need solid, convincing, novel results and publications. So yeah, my point is I’m scared of the transition to grad school that’s to take place this year.       

My relationship with J was less rocky in 2010 than the year before. We’re settling into our long-distance routine. My trips to Baltimore have really been the highlights of my year. I’ve also loved having him in STL with me, but for some reason my visits to him stand out more in my memory. Even just lounging around in his apartment is like a dream sometimes. But crab houses, Brewer’s Art, the Arboretum, the Walters, lab picnics, and PORTUGAL never hurt either. I’m leaving out a bunch of stuff because I’m horrible at recording the good times. In fact as I looked through my entries from last year I realized I’ve painted a very skewed picture of J and my feelings towards him. Ultimately, I turn to this diary when I’m angry and frustrated, not when I’m elated or even simply content. Which is a shame. I thought about deleting some of my harsher entries, but decided against it (or rather couldn’t bring myself to do it). Instead I’ll make use of this year in review to note that I really do love him. It remains to be seen if love is "enough," but that’s where I stand at the end of 2010.

So on to 2011. It’s going to be a big transition year, unlike 2010 which felt like limbo. I’ll be starting my PhD. For better or for worse, J and I will enter a new phase in our relationship if he completes his post doc and begins the search for faculty positions. Not gonna lie, right now I’m more anxious than hopeful about 2011.                     

OK. This wasn’t the most detailed review but it hit the main points, I think. New Year’s Resolution entry to follow.