slipping

I’m slipping. Not crazy dramatic oh my god where the hell is my life headed slipping, but slipping up in little ways that are starting to add up. I avoid tiny responsibilities so they balloon into monstrous things that bite me in the ass so hard I don’t know up from down. I won’t go to the doctor until permanent damage has been done. I miss deadlines and pay exorbitant fines and fees. My license plates and registration are long overdue. I’ve yet to return a library book I checked out over a year ago – it’s now considered lost, even though it’s sitting on my bedside table. The library is 4 blocks away. Part 2 of J’s birthday present is still sitting on my desk since August.

I can’t explain it. What do these things even have in common? I don’t put off everything. At the end of the day I am on top of my school work for example. There’s something about these things. They make me feel..bad. There’s an aura of failure or potential failure about them. And ignoring them makes me feel good for a few seconds. A big fuck you to the world, I guess. Except not really. Because the world doesn’t give a crap, and all I’m doing is digging myself into a deeper hole. 

I haven’t been much of an adult. Guess I’ll work on changing that this upcoming new year.