a couple of things

November already.

I came to the realization today that the reason I never read at home anymore is that I can’t stand silence in my apartment. I have to have something in the background – netflix, music, anything to drown It out. When did I become this person? I’ve never feared solitude, I used to enjoy being alone with a book and my thoughts. It was inspiring and enlightening and cathartic. But now I’m so closed off, and choose instead to hide behind drinking and smoking and mindless social functions. 

I tried, but failed explaining all this to J tonight. It doesn’t help that he’s been practically a zombie for the past 2 months. I don’t care if it’s selfish, but I’m suffering too..technically because of him. And I kind of wish he knew how deeply I feel for him, but at the same time that would be just an extra burden for him to carry around. I just can’t believe how dramatically he’s changed in two months. He’s a different person, and quite frankly, it isn’t exactly the person I fell in love with. And I hope to god it’s temporary, but I just don’t know how to deal with it in the meantime. How do people with depressed relatives do this?