Toy Story 2 and the Vulnerable Narcissist

I just watched Toy Story 2 with my son and I was really taken back by the Prospector.

The Prospector is the villain of the story, but, as with all covert narcissists, you don’t know until the very end. You don’t realize until it’s too late. The covert narcissist disguises themselves until there’s nothing to lose. Every action he takes is self serving disguised in a cloak of selflessness.

To summarize, the main character, Woody, has friends, a beautiful life and network at home that he gets stolen away from. In his new environment he makes new friends who reveal that not only is he part of a famous TV show, but he’s the star and they’ve been waiting for him for their whole lives to complete “the set” so they can be on display and come out of storage, which has been a decades long, torturous experience for them. Thus begins the manipulation.

The first thing The Prospector does is plays on Woody’s ego. He doesn’t even have to say much. He opens a huge door with all this incredible and vast memorabilia. This is classic love bombing, and it works for a time. It would have been ultimately successful if he’d been able to keep Woody isolated, another common narc abuse tactic.

When Woody’s friends show up unexpectedly, they remind him of his former life. They ask him to come home, and Woody declines. They respect his decision, which on a personal note, I was surprised by. My programming expected them to try and influence his decision, but they just … didn’t. Buzz accepted his decision, respected it, and walked away.

After a few moments, Woody remembers his sense of self, which is very well established. He changes his mind and decides to go home.

This sets into motion the Narcissist’s next move — the guilt trip. He convinces Woody to speak to one of the other toys before leaving. She explains she had a life just like his, but it ended, and so will his. Not only that, but if he lives, they will essentially be condemned to death in the black void of the storage unit. Unable to bear the guilt and uncertainty of the future, Woody decides to stay.

The Prospector uses another classic tactic here, which is fear mongering. “It’s a dangerous world out there,” he says at one point. This is coupled with sewing seeds of self-doubt: “You won’t last a second out there.”

Despite every effort, when Woody still ultimately decides to go home, The Prospector reveals his true self, as there’s no longer any benefit to his facade. The Prospector is the only toy still in his original box. He reveals that he’s not actually confined to his box as he lead everyone to believe. This is a classic narcissist move: perceived helplessness and victimhood. By making himself look weaker than the others, he’s able to pull the strings undetected. It’s also during this time that the vulnerability of his narcissism is revealed. He is jealous of the other toys because they were all chosen over him at one time, hence why he is the only one still in his box. We discover his motives are more sinister and complex than previously understood. At first the motive seems clear: to not go back into storage. But now we know it’s not that simple. The Prospector wants the other toys to actually suffer. He is driven by not only a need to control, but by jealousy.

Okay, so that ends the summary.

Because this is all so fresh for me, I’m having a serious issue with everything being triggering. Literally everything. When I see something on TV with brothers and sisters getting along or doing something nice for each other, it takes me to a deeply sad place. I have a photo of me as a baby on the fridge, and almost every time I look at it I have some sort of flashback. I tried to watch an episode of Supernanny and I got triggered because the mother called on her 12 year old son to come and discipline the younger child. All I could think was, one day that little sibling is going to hate the older one, just like mine do. Flashbacks on flashbacks on flashbacks.

Even something as seemingly safe as watching a Pixar movie with my infant son… surprise! Triggering.

So this really rocked me today. It affected me because it all ended happily. Woody had supportive friends who fought for him. The people around him realized The Prospector was in fact the villain, and joined him in leaving the toxic situation. The Prospector got what he deserved and everything ended up beautifully.

Now imagine if The Prospector was your mother. The Prospector is mine. There was no opportunity to develop a sense of self, no support network. Just a lifetime of confusion, pain and isolation.