Just a normal diary entry for once

Things are going really well!

I’ve moved through a lot of really gnarly emotions and memories that were trapped in my body and in my mind. It was really hard. They tell you it will be hard, but after you’ve been through so much, you think, “shit, it can’t be that hard.”

It is.

But it’s true that it gets better, and it has to be done in order to live a decent life. One that really feels good deep, deep down.

My son is amazing. I’ve been calling him My Little Magic Baby recently because he is! Babies are magic! I put him to sleep and he grows visibly during the night! He sings with me even though he can’t speak. He laughs at my jokes. He picks up on things so quickly. That’s magic, right there. Real magic.

I keep saying, “Is that my baby? I never thought I’d have my own magic baby!” Because I really didn’t! Being parentified as a child myself left me quite disillusioned with the idea of parenthood. I had sort of a been-there-done-that attitude towards it. Not to mention I absolutely did not have a partner at any time that I felt was up to the task. I didn’t think they existed, to be honest. I thought it was a romanticized lie until I met Michael.

What a horrible shame it would have been if I had not had a child. I absolutely adore being a mother. I love every single second of it, even when it’s hard. It’s tiring more than it is truly hard, and that’s a big deal. The hard moments are short. The beautiful moments are long and sweet. I daydream about all the fun things we will do together. Like kayaking, camping, paddle boats, movies, painting, art classes, making cookies, traveling to Japan and Greece, going on road trips, discovering new places. I will cheer him on while he develops his talents and discovers who he is.

I want to take him to Florida in September to meet some of my very best friends. Won’t that be fun! Whitney has a beach house right on the shore that she said we can stay in. Liane has 3 kids of her own and tons of girlfriends with kids I can’t wait to meet. The baby will love it. He wants to be with other children so badly.

I think that my postpartum depression has finally released its hold on me for good. Adjusting to the baby was really a really difficult time for Michael and I, but we got through it and man, if we got through that, we can get through anything. I truly believe that. I understand how he works a lot better now. He’s a good man.

That’s pretty much it! I feel good. I have good friends. I love my home. I love my family. I love how things are. Of course I could find things to complain about, but honestly I don’t feel bothered by them at the moment. The only thing that weighs in my mind is my health issues. My left hip is not doing good at all. I felt it almost dislocate today when I went to close a door. I’ve felt it be a little unstable before but this was different. But that’s okay, because we have great health insurance through Michael’s work and it’s just up to me to get off my behind and start that process.

Okay! That’s it for now! See ya later ✌🏼