A beautiful, regular day
I had a beautiful day today! The most beautiful part is that nothing particularly special happened, but I’m still so very happy. I finally feel consistent peace and satisfaction, joy even.
I love my son so much. We have a nice routine. My husband is so supportive and kind. He offered to let me sleep in today but I chose to get up with them anyways, because the mornings are just so lovely. Michael makes us coffee and we laugh and giggle with the baby. He drinks his bottle and then an hour later he eats his breakfast of baby yogurt. He loves it. Then we all play a little bit until the boy gets tired and we take a nap together while Dad works.
I’ve always been a nap person. I need a lot of extra sleep because of my health conditions. Taking naps with my almost 6 month old son is the greatest feeling in the entire world. Sometimes I barely sleep and I just stare at his beautiful face. He knows it’s nap time when get into the big bed together and he rests his little head on my chest and falls right asleep. Today he was having a little nightmare and started whimpering while he slept, and I just hugged him tighter and said, “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.” He opened his eyes and his expression softened and he went right back to sleep.
After we nap, we get up and have another bottle. I tidy the house before I give him lunch.
Ah, jeez I just remembered I need to be cleaning the studio for my clients tomorrow so I’ll have to wrap this up.
Anyhow, I love being a mother so much. I also love being a wife.
A thought that crosses my mind a lot lately is that I almost missed out on all of this happiness and love. Because I was parentified and abused as a child, I had decided early on that I didn’t want children. I wanted to live my life for me for a change. I felt I had already raised children–my sisters–and taken care of my mother my while life. My mom’s abuse has robbed me of so much, but it’s insane to think that she might’ve even robbed me of this beautiful experience that I was made for! I see so much mom content online with these stressed out women making jokes about how awful and thankless being a mother is and it makes me so sad. I can’t relate at all. I love every single second of it, even the hard parts. I don’t resent being “stuck” with the baby, because I really lived a full and exciting life through my 20s. I went everywhere and did everything and I experienced so much before my son came along. Being home with him is something I absolutely love. I treasure it because I know it won’t always be this way. He’ll be off to school before we know it and becoming more and more independent. I’m so excited to travel with him and go on adventures, showing him all the places I’ve been and discovering new ones together. I’m so excited to watch him grow and discover his interests. What a beautiful existence!
🙂