written

i’m touched about the things she wrote… the guy she love  a whole lot.. although they were great friends, they do things like any other couple.. but to me, they are special couple.. yes im envy.. she is so damn lucky…but somehow, certain circumstances make de situation hard… decision made…

and wad have i made? mistakes after mistakes.. i admit..it was perfect murder to me knowing it’s a mistake..but wad am i to do? i tried living a owrld of my own.. but it doesn’t work dat way..it really doesn’t.. sometims i feel dat im free from worries and troubles.. but wad made me trouble was people tots and impressions… am i dat caring or just over feeling? i tried being ignorant and slef centered…but it doesn’t work dat way too.. i got accuse of being a bad friend… damn i tried very hard to be a good human…but nobody is perfect ..i noe dat.. and i noe dat i carn please everyone ard me.. i carn be a goody person in order to make ppl lyk me..but dat was not my intention.. nvr…all i wanted was to have a peaceful mind.. is it dat difficult?

and for three years i had not been able to free myself from him… wad so great abt him? he murdered me a lot of times and i murdered him alot of times.. fair and quit…haha…funny… but dat was not de case… was our love for real dat it buried deeply in our heart …unable to dig it up…we let it sink..? is it? is it? i dunnoe…neither confession nor confession… seriously, i want the past of us being together…i want to correct the mistakes we made… we could be together for soo long…but we let it go everytime…was it my fault or yours? de final straw…u left me..cold and hard… the trauma u gave me was nvr ending.. i had to risk my health in order to keep my sanity… u are bad…damn bad…but why de hell do i still have feelings for u…? i tell u de number of days we been together offcially…one hundred and eighty seven dayz…our love lasted longer than diz…trust me…i had always love u…but uncertainities of me ruin everything…my fault… but wad is de point of typing this…it’s damn bloody tooo late… u and me will nvr had de chance ever again even if dere’s miracle.. do u understand? no u dun…all u did was to assume and misunderstood me.. i hate you for being so passive and not attentive enough.. i hate you for ur unfair love.. but no matter how much i hate you…i love you all the same.. damn it’s freaking hard… i dun wan to end my secondary life.. i want to continue…i want to see u everyday eventhough i said i want u out of my life…i didn’t mean dat way..i didn’t mean it when i said i nvr love u so.. believe me, ur love is everything to me.. but i lost it… it’s my fault i took u for granted…my fault that it gotta end… and it ends…u are my first love…and for that, i still love u.. when u leave, i lost a part of me..

left behind…far behind de past..

i miss you and i love you…