Quick Update
CW: 97 lbs
BMI: 15.7 (?)
A very quick update on what’s been happening the past few days in my life. The decision has been made for me to go away to a facility for ED’s.
Except for a few panic attacks, I have been very numb and detatched from it all and I prefer it that way, which is why I haven’t written in a few days. I don’t want to deal with the anxiety that comes with all the changes in my life right now. I don’t want to deal with any emotions.
Right now I feel as though I am living my life in limbo. I am at home, giving myself fully to the ED. My weight has remained stable between 95-98 lbs for the past few days. I can’t really drop any lower or the program I am going to won’t accept me.
I spend hours just binging and purging because I know that the second I enter the facility that that is it and there can be no more slip ups.
I’m not a real human being right now. I am trying not to be a burden to my family right now while I wait. I am doing all the chores and shopping for the family so I will be seen as useful and not a damn bump on the log. I am supposed to enter the program next Wednesday. The place is about 2000 miles away, so I will be flying there and my dad is coming with me to help me through any panic attacks that will probably happen.
Once I am there next Wednesday, I don’t know if I’ll be able to use the internet. I will be there for a minimum of 45 days.
Okay…well, that’s all I can write without starting to feel any emotions and I can’t break down right now. I must find something productive and mind-numbing to do. I can’t let myself feel anything right now.
I will update before I go.
I am sorry to be so disconnected right now. I hope everyone is doing well. Please don’t be offended if I don’t read your entries right now…I am so messed up right now.
I wish you the best of luck. I hope you make it there and back home safely.
Warning Comment
How do you figure out your BMI?
Warning Comment
i’m sorry the decision was made for you, but i’m glad you’re going. you’re so skinny hun…please please let this be good for you. please let it help you. <3 u hun, take care *hugs*
Warning Comment
Good luck at the facility, your doing the right thing even if it doesnt feel like it right now. x
Warning Comment
you really are doing the right thing for you and your health. i know i don’t know you except though OD, but i’m really worried about you. i wish you the best of luck and i wish and pray that you will be able to fight this and get better. we love you 🙂 *hugs* take care of yourself
Warning Comment
im scared with you. good luck, achieve what you want. il miss you x
Warning Comment
oh honey. Not offense I love you and will miss you and will pray for you. I sopre you are ok
Warning Comment
oh my goodness. Good luck with this and just take it a day at a time.
Warning Comment
I will miss you and I love you, but I when it’s all over, come and find me, let me know how you are, I want to know that you made it. Because you can. And you will. -big hugs- I’m rootin’ for ya!
Warning Comment
no offence taken. Take care please *hugs*
Warning Comment
Hugs Your doing a good thing We will diffently miss you
Warning Comment
Oh sweetie, its been a while since I was on here, and it seems like a lot has been going on for you. I hope this programme works for you, and you come out healthy, glowing and ready to face the world again!! I will miss you while you are gone. *huggles* xxxx
Warning Comment
where are you going? I went to Remuda. Minimum was 45 days as well. Good luck to you.
Warning Comment
hi hun, i just came back to tell you we miss you. I hope recovery is going well for you, I hope you are happier and healthier. I wish you all the best. all my love, take care xoxoxooxx
Warning Comment
I really miss you and your diary. I hope your doing well and getting better and I hope to see you back here soon telling us all about it. Lots of love and hugs!
Warning Comment
Hey hon, I was just thinking about you. I hope you’re doing okay. Haven’t seen you around in a while. Update when you can so we know if you’re okay. XOXO
Warning Comment
Still missing you hun, its been a while. I hope this means you have started to overcome your disorder, I hope your absence means you are getting better. I am thinking of you, and I am sending you all my support. *hugs*
Warning Comment
Hey its been a long time Just wanted to let you know i was thinking about you I hope everything is going well Miss you Hugs
Warning Comment
hey darling, i don’t even know if you’re ever going to check this again, but we miss you. i really hope that this was a positive experience for you and that it leads you to lifelong recovery. *hugs* and much love. take care!
Warning Comment
I hope you’re doing well. xxx
Warning Comment
you ok? I miss you xx
Warning Comment
I hope you got the help you needed and are now feeling so good that you don’t need this place anymore :)!! But if you ever think about it let us know how you are!!
Warning Comment
miss you
Warning Comment
I hope everything is well with you now, babydoll.
Warning Comment
How are you? If you ever think about OD, leave a quick note =)!! All the best!!! xoxo
Warning Comment
I hope that you don’t write anymore because you have found your peace. I’m back now, a little lost, and it’s kind of sad to see that everyone who used to post has long gone. I hope all is well. x
Warning Comment