Shit. You can’t quit.

Via text message, I received the following texts from my favorite person in the world: my best friend, my husband if I have no husband, and the man that saved my life when I couldn’t sve my own:

Javar: Everyone knows I’m not a quitter but life has really been kicking me in the ass lately. It’s getting to a point where quitting doesn’t sound so bad.

Javar: I love everyone who loves me and myself but succeeding in life isn’t an option for me any more. You’ll know if I quit or not. I don’t know what else to do.

Javar: I believe I have been marked for failure since June of 1981. Every time I talk to you I have a complaint or something has happened to me. Think about it.

Javar: Depression has set in Jess and I don’t know how much longer I can be strong.

I feel so…helpless…I called him and left him a voicemail. I am wondering if that is why he decided to come and see me a few weekends ago out of the blue. Maybe he knew it would be the last time.

What do I do?

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October 31, 2007

Thats not fair of him for one. But i’ve been there so I get it. we all get it. Can you see him? If this was my friend i’d have a fire..does that sound as stupid as I think it does? we’d light a fire and sit around it and talk until we couldn’t talk anymore. or theyd come over we’d cook a big meal to keep our hands busy.wed have hot chocolate even if it was inappropriate and we’d be on speed text

October 31, 2007

24/7. If you need me, you call. All you can do in these situations is talk and be there. We all have to feel sad sometimes so when we are happy it truly means something. Why don’t boys have diarys…it would really help. You can’t make him feel better, but you can be there until he does.

October 31, 2007

All you can really do is keep him company until this feeling goes away.

October 31, 2007

Try to encourage him to see the good parts – ANY good parts – of his life. Does he have kids? A family? Maybe even a favorite sports team? (I know that sounds silly, but looking forward to an upcoming season or game or something could encourage him a bit.)

October 31, 2007

This is so sad. And I would be worried also! Has he ever showed a side like this before? I will pray for him…

October 31, 2007

The only thing you can really do is try to reach him and talk to him. I mean….what else is there?

I’m so sorry. Just keep calling him and be there for him as much as you can. Depression is a b!tch, i know. Thank you so much for being here for me. I think i am ok now. What i found was emails between my husband and his girlfriend. He is trying to bring her to the united states. I think she may be pregnant. He found they were gone before i could put them back. He is scared because i can use it against him in the divorce. He was on the verge of attacking me. It was the scariest night of my life. I think i ma ok now.

wow. Gee..i don’t know what to say. Be strong.

that’s the plan!

October 31, 2007

RYN: That class WAS FUN! But it kicked my butt. And it was like the fourth class of that one particular dance. I’ll be glad when we start a new one fresh.

October 31, 2007

All you can do is be there. I know that sounds stupid.But, it’s the truth. Let him know that every day we wake up is another chance to turn it all around. Hold him, cry with him, think back on things that were tearing his/your world apart years ago, and how God has worked THOSE things out. Tell him it’ll get better, do what you have to, Jess. I’m here for you as much as I can be. love you, Lacy

October 31, 2007

maybe you should call someone? i mean, people who deal with stuff like that, and know how to help? i think experts are the best bet. RYN: yeah, i’ll get some pics up when it’s done. will probably do it all during the christmas holidays 🙂

October 31, 2007

You tell him you f.cking love him and you’re there for him, and, if all else fails, make him feel guilty. Maybe not the last part (but it might work for me if I were in that situation). Also, should you feel inclined, the National Hopeline Network is 1-800-784-2433. More resources are here: http://www.postsecretcommunity.com/news-faq/wellness.

October 31, 2007

RYN: Yeah *laughs*. I was kind of hoping he might take the hint and be like, CAN I JUMP YOU? But alas ; )

October 31, 2007

Here’s another thought re: Javar: it sounds like he’s pretty close to the end of his rope, but maybe starting a diary on here would help him? Maybe you could explain to him what the site is about and how it’s helped you.