it’s all the same

nothing has changed.

except i got the test results back from the ultrasounds. surprisingly, no cysts or fibroids, so that’s great news. there were a couple things that came up on the scans but nothing alarming or that isn’t being dealt with. i will spare you all the details.

all my other test results came back normal. also fantastic news.

but now i am left to wonder if everything is so "normal" then what the hell is wrong with me? clearly my body is not working as it should. and while i am glad to hear it’s not x, y, and z that is wrong, something is causing all of this nonsense.

the doc gave me more drugs to try to fix things but unfortunately they have made things worse. i am waiting for a call from her to see if she has any other ideas.

i was having such bad cramps last night that i was doubled over in pain crying. i took aleve, which usually works WONDERS on my cramps. i took 3. i NEVER take more than one. three didn’t even come close to touching the pain. i got a hot pad. i went for a walk. i drank lots of water. NOTHING helped. chewie wanted to take me to the ER. and i guess if we had more money, i would have gone.

*****

surprise, surprise, isaiah is having trouble in school again. the only difference between this year and last year, though, is that i like this teacher’s way of dealing with things much better.

last week she called lyndsey and told her to come in because isaiah was acting up. why she didn’t call chewie when he was sitting at home and lyndsey was working, i don’t know. but i guess he was being beligerant and not following orders and disrupting other students.

more of the same.

and of course, that night isaiah was at mom’s house. so when she said she was going to punish him, we asked isaiah later if she followed through with the punishment and he said no.

like i said, it’s all the same. nothing has changed. she never follows through on disciplinary actions, except to sometimes threaten to call chewie if he doesn’t behave. nice. use the kid’s dad as a threat because you know he will actually follow through with what he says.

that’s why isaiah doesn’t act like a little shit at our house. he knows he can’t; but at mom’s house, and evidently at school, he pretty much knows he can get away with anything. smart kid.

the kid has ADHD. and that’s a fairly professional opinion.

now i do think ADHD is over diagnosed and over medicated. and i also see the other end of the spectrum where kids were either over medicated and became addicted to their prescription meds, or under treated and became addicted to things like weed as they were trying to self medicate.

but this kid needs some help. he is really struggling and is developmentally behind where he should be because he can’t focus. so i am really torn between medicating the kid so he can do better in school and risk him becoming dependent on the prescription drugs; or not medicating the kid so he is set up for failure, and risk him becoming dependent on some other mood altering chemical.

and yes. marijuana can be addictive. don’t challenge me on this. seriously. you are messing with the wrong person if you try to go there.

the other frustrating piece to this whole thing is that ultimately, i can’t do a damn thing about the kid’s problems. mom is too lazy of a parent to invest any time or money to get him tested or to see if there are any other interventions besides medications that could be helpful in modifying his disruptive classroom behavior.

i know that we always closely monitor what he eats, as it’s not rocket science that giving lots of sugar to a kid that has ADHD isn’t the smartest thing to do. we also make sure he gets lots of exercise to try to release some of his pent up energy. but he is with us 2 nights a week. not nearly enough to do him any good. mom doesn’t make sure he gets exercise because that would require work on her part. she plugs him in front of the tv in his bedroom and lets him play video games all night since it’s the only thing that seems to hold his attention for longer than 2 seconds.

i told chewie to suggest that we move to a week on/week off schedule with isaiah. part of the kid’s problem is that he has multiple personalities between mom’s house, dad’s house, and school. he knows exactly what he can get away with at each location and adjusts accordingly. and because he is bouncing back and forth between all three place constantly, it creates confusion and instability in his behavioral patters.

at least if we had him for a week at a time, he would have more predictability and structure. and for that week, he would likely do a little better in school because of our efforts to ensure he gets the parenting he needs to be successful.

of course lyndsey won’t agree to that because 1.) she doesn’t give a shit about her son, and 2.) it would mean she would get less child support.

i don’t even give a shit about the child support. i would agree to continue paying her lazy fat ass the same amount of money if it meant we could make a change that would help isaiah.

when i think about this shit i get so much anxiety that i litteraly feel short of breath.

chewie went to court to see what it would take to file a legal motion to change the custody arrangements. and what we learned is that unless there is imminent threat to this child’s well being, both parties have to agree to the new terms.

and while i believe that there is threat to the well-being of isaiah because of his behavioral issues and how they are interfearing with his educational and emotional development, i know that we will have to be a hell of a lot more prepared to go to court to try to prove this. and we will need to find some money somewhere to pay for an attorney that can help us prove this.

and then we will need to prepare for the backlash from miss bitch that she will try to make our lives a living hell because we have inconvenienced her. who knows. she will crash the wedding. or stop isaiah from being able to go.

or show up at our house and slash our tires. you know, all of that tired, childish shit that a MOTHER SHOULD BE BEYOND. she is a fucking mother.

a MOTHER.

and i have to worry about locking my garage door at night because of the stories isaiah has told us about driving past our house with mommy.

creepy.

thank god i have a loud ass dog.

i have to vent about this shit hear because of course i can’t bottle this up or let it slip when dealing with isaiah and/or lyndsey.

you see, i am just a better person than that.

but little shit has been pissing me off lately, too.

isaiah had a school fundraiser and a book order. we didn’t see either of them in his back pack, so we missed upportunities to support the school and order discounted books for isaiah. why the fuck can’t the stupid bitch leave the shit in his backpack so we can see it itt?

we have asked the teacher to send home two copies of everything. and graciously, she has started doing that. butthe problem is, lyndsey still usually gets to it before us, since all the news for the week is sent home thursdays when lyndsey has isaiah. she decides whether or not she wants us to have certain information.

i’m done bitching for now. if i keep writing my blood pressure will sky rocket.