July 2, 2013

Time Flies…

There is never enough time in a day, hours in a week, days in a month. It seems to me I am constantly on the go but never leaving. Does that even makes sense? I’m dwelling, I’m smiling, I’m hoping, I’m going.I’m venting, I’m reminiscing. So many things to ponder.

Things are never what you thought they’d be. Sometimes better. Sometimes very far off. You make this outline for your life and try to follow all the steps to fill it in but veer off into a land unknown. You build walls and floors and roofs only to demolish them or mold them into what fits for your world. Each day a new beginning while not even realizing that a chapter has closed.

Yes, there is a reason for all of this crazy talk that is blabbing out in words unspoken and words outspoken.

I had this dream all planned out and my toes in the water. Ready to plunge in, take a dive. When something swooped me up and blew me right into something new and different and somehow amazing. I was becoming a mom. I was creating a family. I was in charge. It was up to me to make her healthy, to help her grow. To protect her, to nourish and love her.. And she wasn’t even a part of this world yet. Constantly worrying about how I was going to do it, where we would live, how we would afford it, what would we name her, how will we clothe her. "What and the hell are we going to do??"

One June 20, 2012 I found out I’m going to be a mom. Cody is going to be a dad. And we’ve only been together officially for two months. TWO! Will he stay, will I run, well we make it, will she make it? I remember thinking soooo many things that I couldn’t possibly answer right away. Which just stressed me more! This isn’t real! It can’t be. How can I go from believing I would never have children, or be anything more than a girl friend or a wife… and now. I’m going to be a mom???

And man did time go fast. After many scares, many changes and many restless nights my princess was almost here. I hurried and i worked hard to have everything perfect for her. I moved in with cody only 4 days before my water broke!!! And here we go!!!!

This past year has been insane but now looking back I couldn’t imagine it any different. I wouldn’t change her coming into this world for the life of me. i’ll be the first to admit that I wish somethings were different but I’m very blessed with what cards I’ve been delt.

I can’t believe it’s been over a year!