A little secret

Still getting used to this new OD format.

It’s all a bit exciting that it’s back again, sort of like a long lost friend. Fun.

Speaking of long lost friends, I reconnected with one of my old mates back in Australia. It wasn’t a long conversation but it was nice to hear from her again. Back when I left Australia she was a bit messed up, not in a great place. She apologized today for any hurt she caused. She didn’t really, I knew she was struggling but it’s wonderful how time and maturity can prevent you from sweating the small stuff. No point in holding grudges and being unkind. I’d much rather have my friends than not have them.

Its been 9 long years since I moved to the US. It’s gone in the blink of an eye but hasn’t been without its trials. I can’t tell you I’m the same person I was, life changes people. I never expected the difficulties I’ve encountered. I jumped on that plane fresh faced and eager for adventure. I’m no less adventurous but I haven’t exactly had the opportunity to live out my potential. No one expects shitty stuff to happen, I had a really good life in Australia and I naively expected it just to follow me here. It’s not that I haven’t had good times here, more that the bad and sad and tough have often overshadowed anything even remotely good. Reflecting back on everything I’d say it’s made me stronger, taught me that perseverance and patience deliver rewards but on occasion I have succumbed to weakness.

I suppose that’s another reason I’m pinning so much hope on the next few months. I desperately need a change of pace, something to look forward to! 9 years is a long time to set aside your own goals, hopes and dreams to focus on others.

I really really want to let my little secret out of the bag but I’m terribly superstitious and worried I might jinx everything if I blab it all now. Not only that, I have this awful fear of failure. There’s nothing nice about having to eat humble pie because you jumped the gun too early. So I’ll hang on to this for a few more months in hopes that everything pans out as I’m hoping – but it will be a challenge! It’s not entirely selfish. Sure, there’s an element of me that will be very satisfied with this success but it will definitely benefit my family as well! Oh gosh!!! Somebody stop me… blab blab blab Lol.

I’m cuddled up on the couch after a long day at work with my smallest human, there’s not much that makes me happier!

Night all.