*This Is SOME Tech Support

Inspired by DancingWarrior’s 1/15/2004 entry, "Installing Husband."

 

(Caution, sexual content – pictures)

 

I’ve seen several postings requesting technical support upgrading of a popular software package.  In my view, the technical support advice given missed the mark and was incomplete.  Here then, is the technical support advice from our most senior advisor. 

 

(We have included several visual aids to further the understanding of rather complex issues.) 

 

 

 

 

 

Please read this entry to the end to facilitate maximum understanding.

 

 

 

 

 

First, “The Problem.”

 

 

 

 

 

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Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from “Boyfriend 5.0” to “Husband 1.0” and noticed a slowdown in overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under “Boyfriend 5.0.”

In addition, “Husband 1.0” uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as “Romance 9.5” and “Personal Attention 6.5,” but installed undesirable programs such as “NFL 5.0” and “NBA 3.0,” and now “Conversation 8.0” no longer runs and “Housecleaning 2.6” simply crashes the system.

I’ve tried running “Nagging 5.3” to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Desperate

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Dear Desperate:

 

 

 

 

 

First keep in mind, “Boyfriend 5.0,” is a rather simple entertainment package. “Husband 1.0,” on the other hand, is a highly developed, rather sophisticated package that shoulders the dual responsibilities of “Operator Security,” as its primary goal and “Operator Entertainment,” as its secondary goal. Customers who purchase “Husband 1.0,” do so because their needs have changed from Entertainment to Security with Entertainment as a secondary goal. This change in needs is why purchasers usually trade “Boyfriend 5.0” in for the more secure, “Husband 1.0.” 

 

 

 

It is our view here at, “YouGottaBeKidding!-Software,” that the solving of security problems requires a very different software package.  When we designed “Husband 1.0,” we started with most of the code from “Boyfriend 5.0,” but not all of it.  To keep all the code would have made the “Husband 1.0” platform too unstable with all the new security demands placed upon it. 

Unlike the usual software packages you may be used to, “Husband 1.0” is very adept at learning via experiential input.  It has the ability to morph new behaviors, based on operator behavior and input.

 

In the situation you describe above, we believe your problem is due to your error as the operator.  You have probably made the same error most other purchasers of “Husband 1.0” make.  That error is the relaxation, or stopping, of operator input that made the Boyfriend 5.0 software so effective.  Are you still devoting the same effort, or input, to “Husband 1.0” as you did to “Boyfriend 5.0?” 

 

 

 

 

 

Additionally, as we read your complaint, it appears you may not be supplying the minimum required maintenance.  Keep i

n mind; the required maintenance of “Husband 1.0” is rather simple.  (See below.) 

 

We believe you will see significant improvement and have a permanent fix, if you will follow the following simple maintenance steps: