So, You Can’t Get The Man/Woman You Want?

 

 

 

 

 

 

NUNZIO…..

 

 

tell us, how do we turn the tables on these men? In my opinion, YOU are the man to ask….

 

 

please? Please? PLEASE?!?!?!!!!!!!!

 

 

You are the all-knowing…enlighten us… : )

 

 

I know we’d all appreciate it VERY MUCH!!!

 

 

Yes, I will get the book, but I’d also like your advice…

 

 

Not so much turn the tables, but WHAT are we doing wrong? I know I go into relationships and give all I can to try to make the other person happy. It doesn’t work. I thought that was how it’s supposed to? I don’t understand…

 

 

 

 

 

“Enlighten you?”  Well, I warn you, you are NOT going to like it! 

 

 

 

 

 

 “All-knowing?”  Well, thanks for the complement but hell, I’m in the soup with you!  I’m not all knowing, I’m just a guy with a bunch of opinions … and here’s one …

 

 

 

 

 

You are looking in the wrong place when you speak of “doing something” to draw your lover to you.  It’s NOT a technique that you are unaware of, or are doing wrong.  THAT’S not what you should be questioning!

 

 

 

 

 

The question is … why are YOU going after unavailable men?

 

 

 

 

 

Of the men who are nice AND available, why aren’t you with one of them?

 

 

 

 

 

Are they, “too nice,” not "Bad-boy," enough?

 

 

 

 

 

(And if you want this to be a meaningful dialog, don’t give me the standard B.S. answers such as; “I didn’t know he was unavailable when I first met him.”  Or, “I didn’t know he was a ( fill in the blank ) woman hater, alcoholic, substance abuser, physical abuser, philander, narcissist, etc. when I first met him.”)

 

 

 

 

 

In my view, to have successful relationships, you must

go internal first.  You must discover what your narcotic is.  You must discover why you go after (or are turned on by) the men you do.

 

 

 

 

 

Hint:  Do you want to know how developed you are?  Look at your lovers, past and present.  They are a reflection of you … what you are drawn to … what you are, on the inside!

 

 

 

 

 

Hint:  Want a starting point to figure out what you’re drawn to?  Make a list of the good and bad attributes of your opposite-sexed, parent, or “major-caregiver.”  (This is usually the woman’s father and the male’s mother but could be a brother, uncle, whoever had the role (doesn’t mean they did it successfully) of “providing” for you.)

 

 

 

 

 

Hint:  Make a list of your past and present lovers.  List their good and bad attributes too.

 

 

 

 

 

Hint:  Compare the two lists, notice how the BAD attributes of the parental list predominates in your lover list!

 

 

 

 

 

Hint:  Women, do you complain about your lover (past or present) not showing you any affection or saying he loves you?  Did dad do that?

 

 

 

 

 

Hint:  Women, do you complain about your lover (past or present) not letting you get close?  Did dad do that?

 

 

 

 

 

Hint:  Women, do you complain about your lover’s (past or present) use of substances, including sex and/or work?  Did dad do that?

 

 

 

 

 

Hint:  Women, do you complain about your lover’s (past or present) use of substances, including sex and/or work?  Did dad do that?

 

 

 

 

 

Hint:  Women, did you pick a man who is gone a lot?  (Airline flight crew, Military, Fireman, Doctor.)  Did dad do that?

 

 

 

 

 

You think my opinion might have merit?  Then start by ordering this book – Getting The Love You Want: A Guide For Couples by Harville Hendrix. You can find it at Amazon.com for less than $8.00 for a used paperback, including shipping.

 

 

 

<p class="MsoNormal"style=”MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt”>(Want to know more about the book?  Read my, "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" entry.)

 

 

 

Hint:  Think this is all bullshit?  None of it fits you?  Fine, read on!

 

 

 

 

 

Now, I don’t have any delusions that you (or anyone else) are going to order that book and go introspective all of a sudden; hell, I didn’t do it either!  We’d MUCH rather leave all the “introspective, analytical, self-analysis bullshit” for some other idiot to do … “I trust my selection process, it’s not THAT complicated.”  Right!  That’s why you’re reading this entry! 

 

“I just want a guy I feel electricity with!”  Right!  That’s the most dangerous sign for a short-term relationship!

 

 

 

We don’t question our selection techniques until we hit rock bottom.  The same rock-bottom the substance abuser hits (because you’re abusing a substance too) when he/she decides, “Enough, I’m giving this shit up!” 

 

 

 

 

 

Your rock bottom is heartbreak!  I mean true, painful, mutha-fucking heartbreak!  As in,

 “Fall in love with the "perfect" person, get married, buy a SUV, a house, have 2.3 kids, everyone talks about how perfect you are together and then … on or before year seven of the marriage, catch him/her fucking your best friend, get divorced, struggle as a single parent,” kind of heartbreak!

 

 

 

 

Experience that … and lets talk!  Then you’ll be receptive!

* “I am in charge of my life and everything that seems to happen to me, (good and “bad”) is because I’ve asked for it and it has been given me as I’ve asked.”

 

* “You must take full responsibility for any hurt you experience at the hand of another.   Are you awake enough right now, to see you create your own pain?”

 

 

 

WOMAN!  Learn to love yourself through self-discovery!  How the hell can I love you … if you don’t?

 

 

 

Yeah … lets do it THAT way … the “Heartbreak Way!”  Why should we be introspective before there’s a problem?  </fon

t>Fuck planning!  Fuck development of self!  Fuck, looking at the bad boy and saying, “No!”  Fuck this Nunzio guy! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And that’s one man’s opinion.

 

 

 

God bless,

 

 

 

Nunzio

  

 

 

 

 

 

“The reason that nice available people seem boring to some of us is because they threaten us. The ego equates emotional danger with excitement and we think that nice, available person isn’t dangerous enough. The irony is, the opposite is true. Available people are “dangerous” because they confront us with the possibility of real intimacy. They might actually hang around to get to know us and melt our defense, through love. Available people are frightening. If you’re not attracted to them, it’s because you’re not available yourself.”

(Marianne Williamson speaking the tenets of *The Course in Miracles on her tape set, A Return To Love.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(I know it’s rough … but maybe … it’ll save someone from some heartbreak, or shorten the path for those in it?)