Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was inspired by a post by Red Running Hood on her diary page,  http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=B171852&entry=10197

 

 

 

Hi Red!

 

 

 

 

 

Though I haven’t read all your entries I do have this opinion for as much as I DO know about you, and life in general … After being with someone for awhile, I think it’s completely natural to have these thoughts about “how green is the grass on the other side?” However, you don’t seem to have any REAL reasons (other than sexual which I’ll get to) to terminate the relationship, other than your curiosity about, “could it be better with someone else?” I think this is the normal relationship “aging” (forgive me) process kind of thinking.

 

 

 

 

 

In many of your posts, you speak so lovingly of your husband and your life, … and from out here, it does look pretty idyllic. He’s not a substance abuser, he doesn’t beat you, he works hard to provide you a life, etc. Yet, there is this occasional nagging little thought – “Should I stay, should I go?”

 

 

 

 

 

When we are with one person for a long time maybe we start thinking, “I’m tired of this marriage routine. Am I still attractive? Could I ‘Get’ a different lover? Would that lover provide me more happiness?” etc, etc. Conversely, if you were single and dating multiple partners, having all the incredible sex you could stand, you would eventually start thinking, “How green is the grass on the OTHER side?” That is, “I’m tired of this dating routine. Am I ever going to meet a man and settle down?” It is the craziness of being human. It seems whatever we HAVE, we eventually wonder if we’d be better off somewhere else.

 

 

 

 

 

The problem is NOT in our mate, and CANNOT be solved by switching mates … the problem is within US! (The one thinking the, “should I leave, should I stay,” thoughts.) It is within us because, “We seek in others what we think is lacking in us.” Therefore, if the problem exists in our mind, THEN, it is within our mind the cure must occur. I think I have the answer for you (not meaning that as arrogant as it sounds.)

 

 

 

 

 

Take an 8 ½ x 11” note pad; draw a line down the center, at left top write the heading, “Stay.” On the right, write, “Go.” Now write down all the things you enjoy about your present life on the left under “Stay.” On the right, write down all the things you would enjoy about leaving (talk about a little male logic.) When you’re done (I’m going to guess you have more entries under “Stay” than “Go,”) turn the page to a clean sheet and write this heading at the top, “Problems In My Existing Relationship.” Make a list of all the things that are troubling you. Then, you order this book – Getting The Love You Want: A Guide For Couples by Harville Hendrix. You can find it at Amazon.com for less than $8.00 for a used paperback, including shipping. 

 

 

 

Red, I say this with all the power that can be conveyed in the written word – THIS. BOOK. WILL. CHANGE. YOUR. LIFE! It will open your eyes, like NO other source, about the unconscious selection process we use to select our lovers. I promise you, you will be dumbfounded about why your life appears as it does AND you will finally understand whether you love your partner.

 

 

(Continued)

 

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