It takes so few words to make a difference
My Breakfast Waitress
Some of the hardest working people I know are food and drink servers.
Yesterday morning I went to breakfast at a favorite little place I like, near the water. The early morning air was crisp during my 20-minute walk there. The restaurant is a converted beach cottage in a Cape Cod architectural style. When you first walk in, the smells of the eggs, bacon, coffee, and the home made bread and pastries kick your salivary glands into high gear.
The hostess seated me on the veranda; it was just the Sunday paper and me. In a few minutes Jeri, the waitress came over with a pot of coffee and a cheery, “I’ll bet you want some coffee.” She poured the coffee and we chatted a bit about the Southern California fires.
Jeri has served me before so I know a little bit about her; she’s a single mom, about 33 I’d guess, with two small children. In addition to this job, she holds another server job at another local restaurant. Between the two, she works six days a week and goes to school at night. She lives with her mother who helps with the kids.
As I was reading the paper and drinking my coffee, waiting for her to return for my order, I heard a commotion, shouting. I looked to see Jeri being shouted at by an older gentleman, sitting with his wife a few tables away. Jeri was quite flustered as she picked his plate up to return it to the kitchen to fix what ever was wrong with it.
When Jeri returned to my table, I asked if she was ok, “He didn’t have to be so mean, my kids are sick, I’m so tired from school and work, and …” it all tumbled out in a pile. I reached across, took her hand in both of mine, squeezed it gently and said the only thing I could think of, “He was mean, but I bet you he’s got some problem that has him frightened. He certainly couldn’t get that angry over eggs if he wasn’t very frightened about something.” She agreed.
I said a few more things about what a good person I thought she was and how much I appreciated her excellent skills and her cheerful personality. Her eyes filled with tears as she said, “Thank you, thank you so much. That means so much to me. Why don’t people say it? Why don’t they say they appreciate someone?” I told her I didn’t know and that I was probably as guilty as the next one but maybe it’s because, we all have our own issues that consume us and sometimes it’s hard to look past them to give the gift of a real, “Thank you, I appreciate you.”
Later, she returned to my table to tell me the gentleman had apologized for his behavior. It seems two days earlier the couple had received news from the wife’s doctor that she had breast cancer and he was worried to death about what that meant.
And so, on my walk home I thought about what Jeri taught me. Why indeed, do we not tell more people we appreciate them?
It takes so few words to make a difference in someone’s life … and when we say them, it certainly makes a difference in ours!
Yes, if only people would pause before speaking, think about their words, and the possible reaction they might inspire.. would save many a hurt feeling, and a ton of time.
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You couldn’t be more right.
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In it’s own sad way, what you did was amazing. Not only did you show someone that you appreciated them, but you also helped her see that even in this man’s rudeness there was probably more and unfortunately she bore the brunt of his fears… And yes… the service industry is one of the hardest jobs I believe. Been there.
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ryn: thanks for stopping by my brother. & the words of a stranger, when the timing is right, can be very very powerful as your entry shows…smile. I did not pursue the woman in question in a way that would endanger my marriage or honor. We’re just going to be friends. When my wife returns to the coast, they will certainly meet & it will be all good…thank you again for chiming in.
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you are absolutely correct. appreciation is always needed. this is the third time i’ve been reminded of this today. thank you ryn: i always knew this.. i only wish there were more men who understood this concept and believed in it wholeheartedly. nevertheless, i shall remain independant.. even if i do find someone who inspires me to commit.
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ryn~ I think we’ll wait a *tiny* bit longer than that…he’s not coming near me with that thing naked until he’s passed the sperm count test!! I’m about as fertile as they get, so I’m taking no chances, lol
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however, once he *has* passed that test…I’m expecting copious amounts of sex ;0)
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ryn: Uh, did you say porno?! ha ha ha Just let me know when your story is ready to be read. I’ll be waiting…
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this brought tears to my eyes. ’tis very true. and thank you.
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I can’t summarize 34 years in one note, but I can tell you that I look forward to exchanging entries. I feel 2 connections to this entry. One for content and one for similiarities. Single mom, one kid, working multiple jobs, service oriented job, sensitivity, same first name.
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Oh, I SO agree with you. It’s so important to be appreciated and acknowledged. I know I certainly need it, and I know it to be a human need. That’s why I make a point of “catching” people doing “good”. It’s too easy for us to comment on the “bad”. I equate it with giving verbal/emotional flowers to people while they’re still alive and can appreciate them, and not wait until their “funeral.”
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ryn: thank you – your words help. maybe someday you can sit down and make a list of what books you recommend for different things 😉 I’ve made a list of the one’s you’ve mentioned before and will be searching them out to expand upon my knowledge.
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*smiles* life has a strange way of handling its lesson plans.
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Maurice and I were having dinner out a few weeks ago and our waittress was pregnant and (obviously) tired from running her ass off. It took awhile for us to order, get our drinks and the service was slow. It was so nice though, we didn’t have to be anywhere anyway, and he was so good about it. He tipped her nicely and spoke to her very kindly. Most guys would not have even noticed she was pregnant
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it was sweet of him though, he was concerned about her, not our service. Ok, anyway…
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Too many people focus on the negative things in their life they push aside the good things – I notice this now more than ever in relationships. People grumble about not being able to see their partner one night because of commitments and I’m thinking, “at least you get to see them the next day …”
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I appreciate this entry… thought provoking.
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