A Story Of Conquering Pain – 2 of 4

for·give (for-gĭv‘, fôr-)

 

 

1.     To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.

 

 

2.     To renounce anger or resentment against.

 

 

3.     To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).

 

 

SYNONYMS  forgive, pardon, excuse, condone. These verbs mean to refrain from imposing punishment on an offender or demanding satisfaction for an offense. The first three can be used as conventional ways of offering apology. More strictly, to forgive is to grant pardon without harboring resentment: “Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them” (Oscar Wilde). Pardon more strongly implies release from the liability for or penalty entailed by an offense: After the revolution all political prisoners were pardoned. To excuse is to pass over a mistake or fault without demanding punishment or redress: “There are some acts of injustice which no national interest can excuse” (J.A. Froude). To condone is to overlook an offense, usually a serious one, and often suggests tacit forgiveness: Failure to protest the policy may imply a willingness to condone it.

 

 

To forgive someone does NOT mean:

 

 

1. They “got away with it!”

    

2. They won’t “pay.”

    

3. Approval of their actions of the past.

    

4. We must resume our relationship with them.

    

 

 

Forgiveness, as I’m using the term, is purely selfish.  That is, when forgiving someone you are NOT saying what they did didn’t matter.  You are saying, “I choose to no longer punish myself by giving away my energy by being resentful or angry at you.”  Or as stated above, “to forgive is to grant pardon without harboring resentment.”  The resentment continues to cost us dearly and perpetuate our pain.

 

 

 

 

 

If we believe “they must ‘pay’ for what they did” and one of the ways we make them pay is to remain unforgiving towards them, we are simply reinforcing the “wounded” us.

 

 

 

 

 

(Continued)