&

don’t know don’t know don’t know
there are some things i’m just so certain of, yet i have moments like last night, of complete and utter confusion.
up & down & down & up & up & up & down…. it’s like a whirlwind. i’m entirely, completely caught up.
sick of the cold, the tired, the sore feet, being out, wanting bed
i couldn’t help it, i’m sorry, but i have needs too.
how dare you, how dare you
when you know it’s the wrong thing, but stubbornly do what you want anyway
you knew it’d hurt, not help
crying and crying, over nothing and over everything, just can’t stop
i smashed the heart, the room’s a mess
hot water’s run out, no shower, and the kettle is broken.
today it feels as if everything’s falling down around me, although there’s so much possibility right now, so many prospects, and who even knows what will happen…
this everlasting rain.. it pains me and makes me happy at the same time, comfort
happy & crazy & sad & tired & loverrly & needing & wanting & frustrated & confused & love & everything & nothing & boredom & overspending & stress & too, too much
sometimes i have moments where i question everything that this is,
& i don’t know what i want, yet i do know exactly, but i question it anyway.
today, everything just feels like nothing.
jaded