Uh huh

Proving it, bit by bit……

I just spent hours working on a song, which I liked a lot.  It made me so happy that it came together so easily.

Then I played it for Mikey or Hank or whomever may be out now.  I don’t want to ask because Lola keeps asking, and I don’t want to take the brunt of his temper if it’s Hank.

I called the song "My Fight Song".  It was supposed to cheer me up, and it did….until I played it for Mikey.

After being so pleased with it, it hurt my feelings something awful not even to receive a "That sucked, Piers!"  Even that would have been better than nothing.

Well hell.

The song was about fighting myself, really.  I have to change, and I know it.  I have a mate in that body, but I guess Oscar damaged Garritt, because I am having to face these things alone.  Mikey probably hates me, and I couldn’t say I blame him, because sometimes I am nasty as fuck to him.  I blame him sometimes for problems that we have, especially regarding Elisabeth.

Fuck blame.

I just want to get better.  Wish I didn’t have to do it alone, but if I do, I do.  And I will.

Can’t hold a grudge.  That would defeat the purpose of it all.  I seem to be the keeper of adulthood rage in this body.  Oscar holds the rage that hangs on from childhood.

So rage, disappear, please.  I can’t do this anymore.  It hurts everyone.   I am the meanest person in this body, and I’m so tired of being mean.  I’m tired of the rage.  That’s new for me.  I don’t know what to do or be without it, really.  Help me find my purpose now?

I’m sorry.

PdC