Today’s quote, class

PROVE IT, HERMY……
 
 
She wished that she had reached out to people more, instead of
retreating inward, wished that she had not made her heart into
a sheltering closet.  Now, when nothing mattered any more, when the
insight couldn’t do her any damn good at all, she realized that
there was less hope of survival alone than with others.  She’d
 been acutely aware that terror, betrayal, and cruelty had a human
face, but she had not sufficiently appreciated that courage, kindness,
 and love had a human face as well.  Hope wasn’t a cottage industy;
 it was neither a product that she could manufacture like
needlepoint samplers, nor a substance she could secrete, in her cautious
solitude, like a maple tree producing the essence of syrup.  Hope was to
be found in other people, by reaching out, by taking risks, by opening her 
fortress heart.
The insight seemed so obvious, the simplest of wisdom, yet
she had not been able to arrive at it until in extremis.
 
 – taken from Intensity by Dean Koontz
paperback pages 295-296
 
This passage called out to me as I read it.  I think, to some degree, I have fallen into the same trap as described above.  Well, it’s kinda the opposite with me, but the same result, ironically.  I reach out to people, but often, they hurt me in some way, and it reduces my capacity to trust so easily.  Yet hope springs eternal, as they say.  I always think, when it is next applicable, “So-and-so wouldn’t do that.”
I think Mikey was in the exact position of Chyna in Intensity before last year or so.  To begin with, I knew of him as Peter.  I did not know about the others inside him or myself.  Therefore, when I did find out of the existence of 7 people within my husband, I was unsure how to deal with it.  I made some big mistakes with Mikey, who has become the most loving, understanding partner-and-best-friend-all-rolled-into-one to me.  He was reluctant to show his capacity to love another, and he let me credit Charlie and Peter for a lot of what had transpired between HIM and me.  Looking back, it is getting easier to identify particular episodes – talks, shared dreams, shared experiences – as being My Mikey, and not Charlie, as I had thought for so long.
We have an unusual situation, I suppose, but it works well, and I really prefer it this way, anyway.  With him, and with all of you who read this, I am free to say exactly what is on my mind.  Even when I behave like a juvenile, no one makes me feel worse about myself in reaction.  I wish people in person could be as supportive.  It really sucks to be called a “whiny bitch” whenever I cry about anything.  I am “not acting like a man” when I express the things that you all accept from me on here with no criticisms.
Iniside of my husband, there live 37 individuals.  I know some of them, but some are unfamiliar to me.  A great number of them, as I understand it, are children.  Inside me, as we have learned, there are 10 individuals.  One has only shown his face openly recently.  Since acknowledging that I share this body with the others, life has been easier to cope with, though it seems the opposite by my writings in here and how often Mikey hears me cry.  When I, Jack, get depressed and start crying, I can let Betty or Jacky out to deal with things.  Occasionally, when all of us fail to handle things satisfactorily, Thelma – the big Mama of the bunch – comes out to remind us all that it is only life, and what we have lived through are things that almost everyone has to face, at some point or another.  It is important to her that we understand that times may get really rough, but truly that which does not kill us makes us stronger.
It is 10:42am here, so 8:42am Mikey’s time.  Naturally, I would love to hear the phone ring (assuming that HE is the one calling) any moment now; to pick it up and hear the sweetest voice God ever created.  I really enjoyed the laughs of last night.  We had a great deal of FUN together.  I think that’s what is missing so often from people’s lives…FUN.  Plus, another I-hate-to-admit-this-about-myself insight…
I too often focus on what I do NOT have or what I have lost.  What about what I DO have and what I have GAINED?!!!  That tremendously outweighs what I do not have and that which I have lost.
My Mikey – Peter as a whole, but Mikey in particular, right now – spark within me a reason to live.  No matter how awful things may seem here sometimes, I know that I have a safe place.  My husband is an enormously strong man, though he has yet to realize that about himself.  He comforts me when I am low, and that can be a VERY challenging task.  When I get depressed, almost anything anyone says turns into an insult in my mind, yet this beautiful man never gives up.  There have been times when I told him to “save himself” and find someone else, because I don’t measure up to what he needs.  You know what he tells me in those times?  He says, “It’s not gonna happen, baby!!!!”
He builds me up, while sometimes it feels like so many others want nothing but to tear me down.  That is very special, and I DO realize how blessed I am to have My Mikey in my life, as my partner, my husband, my mate.  He is my dream come true.  Mikey fulfills every fantasy I ever had about love, and he adds to them!!!!  I also find it amazing that not only does he love me, but he also LIKES me!!!!!  I am not always easy to get along with, and I freely acknowledge this about myself, yet he always supports me, loves me through each challenge.  When I turn vicious and nasty, he loves me through that, too.  He is extremely special, and I am achingly aware of that.  Sometimes so aware of it that I feel as if I have absolutely nothing to offer to him in return, but he never sees it the way I do, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
If I could be granted one wish for humankind, it would be that everyone knows the kind of love I have with My Mikey.  Whether it  be as a lover, a friend, a parent, a child, a sibling, a cousin, etc., I  wish everyone had the kind of undying love, support, security, and shelter that My Mikey gives to me.
I love you all, and thank you for allowing me to soul-search again.</FONT>
 
My Mikey, you are the light of my life.  You are the most incredibly special man I have ever known.  I never truly imagined that I would someday know anyone even CLOSE to the beautiful man you are, both inside and out.  I especially never imagined that such a breathtakingly exquisite man could love me for me, though what else do I have to offer BUT me?
I love you with all my heart, and my love is a lifetime guarantee, baby.  You have my heart for the  rest of our life, my darling.  As long as I live, you ARE my heart, my soul, my mate.
 
I love you forever times pi cubed plus one,
 
Your Jack
 
p.s.  Swans mate for life!  LOL
Love,
 
Jack