To thine own self be true? Can I?

I have been on another slow, steady course of self-revelation and realization.  While looking at jobs online, I realized one reason why I don’t fit in well in public, and thereby, that’s one of the reasons I have a horrid phobia which produces panic attacks when I am IN public places, often.

Some places are not so bad.  Offices that are not crowded….convenience stores with a quick clerk….but stores….they scare the hell out of me.  I want to start subbing again in the school district – I used to do that – but I’m so terrified of what effect being the center of attention in a class would bring on.  Would I be okay or would I go into panics?  Panic attacks always lower my blood sugar.  Low blood sugar makes me stupid.  You see the circular logic, as Hank calls it?

I don’t believe in myself as I should.

That’s the main problem.

Maybe someday….

My Mikey, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack

***note to me from me***

To paraphrase my darling June Havoc….

To thine own self be true, it says.  Not one word about how tall, short, smart, dumb, pretty, ugly that self is.  Maybe if we can just keep from falling off the Earth long enough and be true to whatever self we get stuck with…..