Thoughts…..

Proving it, bit by bit……

I’ve been thinking about something for the past few days, and My Mikey’s diary entry from earlier kind of agged on the same line of thinking in which I’d already partaken.

My Mikey is in a female body….female form, as he refers to it.  That much, I’ve made probably painfully clear in here.

Everyone around us keeps focusing on one side of the story.  They keep saying that My Mikey, in order to share his story, faces pain at adjusting, because he always saw himself as a man.

Ok.  I agree with that.  I know it’s not easy when suddenly the way people perceive you changes, whether you’ve actually changed or not.  Believe me, I know.

After all, I have had to deal with the exact same thing.  All my adult life, I’ve identified as a gay man.  Because I married someone in a female body, everyone who SEES us thinks I’m straight.  Now, tell me WHAT gay man wants to be thought straight?! 

This presents yet another series of problems, though, that I’m unsure of how to cope with.

I’ve been trying my best to become NOT so attracted to male bodies, because I am married, and because my wife is, at present, a woman outwardly.  Why is this a problem?  It goes against my nature, for one.  That’s not really the big problem, though.  Honestly, it isn’t.

The BIG problem is that someday, he wants to have the change.  Female to Male.

That would mean that I would have to change again.  I’m willing to work for this marriage.  I never would have GOTTEN married had I not been willing to work.  I’m just wondering if anyone besides me notices how much change is required on my part?  Everyone sees changes required on My Mikey’s part, which I admire about them.  I just feel so left out sometimes, like it’s NOT about me too.

But it is.

I don’t know.  All I know right now is that this will work out however it does.  If I allow it to continue burdening me, I’ll probably wind up in worse shape than I did a decade ago.

That wouldn’t be good.

My Mikey, Sweet Baby, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack