The issue of Gay Marriage and some info about us

Hello to all.  As Laurice would put it, this is another country heard from.

Jack is feeling rather insecure, so I have stepped out to detail, as best I am capable, our feelings on the issue of Gay Marriage.

Last night, while speaking with a friend, Jack inadvertently made a comment about which said friend took offense.  This was totally not the intention of the comment.  It was an absent-minded babbling thought that flew out of Jack’s mouth.  I think I do not need to point out that Jack is what is referred to as a "self-loathing gay man".  Anyone who reads his portion of the diary has probably figured this out, though the revelation was news to Jack, as of last night.

The conversation went astray as the friend mentioned something about Gay Marriage.  Jack blurted out that he immediately pictures in his mind the conventional "man and wife" when he thinks of the word "marriage".  It is my assumption (which is a dangerous little tool of life) that our friend is more than a little sensitive about semantics.  Jack never uttered that he thought Gay Marriage was wrong or that he disapproved.  He simply mentioned that the first image in his mind is basically that of a tuxedo and a dress, when he thinks of marriage. 

This led to a short disagreement with the friend.  It did not turn ugly; none of us would have allowed it to do so, because we really like this person, who happens to be a gay man, as well.  In attempting to explain himself, which is a nasty little habit my son has, he made things worse.  He stated that he has a more left-wing view of Gay Marriage.  "Why imitate straight people?" he asked.  Why not have our own institution?  It was noted, by our friend, that "separate but equal" has been tried and has failed miserably.  Being from the Deep South, my first thought was of "whites only" drinking fountains and "colored only" drinking fountains, which lasted in Texas for an embarrassingly long time.  Our friend mentioned that he was thinking of Civil Unions, which, I feel compelled to point out, are not only for gay people, but for straight people, as well.  Jack stated that Civil Unions are not valid, in his mind.  Then, again, he felt as if he should explain that comment.  He stated that Civil Unions are not "valid enough", because they are NOT the same as marriage.  

In the process of talking things out with our friend, Jack said that if Tiffany, our lovely daughter, wished to marry a woman, he would be happy if she were able to do so.  This is when it hit my son that he obviously still hates himself.  Why should it be okay for our daughter and not for us?  This point had not really been discussed from a personal standpoint.  It triggered a landslide of depression for Jack.

I wish to state here and now that I believe ALL people should be able to marry, should they choose that for themselves.  There exists, at least supposedly, a separation of Church and State in this country, so most reasons for the objections to Gay Marriage are hypocritical of Americans.  I fail to see how gay people marrying each other could possibly "destroy the sanctity of marriage".  I fail to see how it could threaten the American family.  I am willing to wager that most of those who state those reasons for opposing Gay Marriage are from broken homes or marriages themselves.  Would that not be deliciously ironic?

As for the more traditional kind of marriage, between male and female, I must now say a few things.  Since marrying Laurice, also known as Mikey and some other names, Jack’s world, in particular, has been turned inside out. 

For years, he prayed that if being gay was wrong, God would change him.  Finding Peter seemed to be confirmation that being gay was okay with God.  Then, things took such a drastic turn, when Laurice arrived from California.  No male body was there!  This, to Jack, especially, seemed a very LOUD sign that it was wrong for him to be gay.  Allow me to clarify.  I am not saying that he thought it was wrong to BE gay, just for HIM to be gay.  This marriage has provided many wonderful things for all of us, yet Jack has, for five and a half years, suffered from a very serious and damaging lack of identity, as a gay man.  To me, it is rather simple.  We happen to be attracted to men, yet we are married to a physical woman.  It matters not, to me, what gender our spouse happens to be.  The fact that is important is that we ARE, indeed, married.  The attraction to the male body is somewhat troubling, as it presents temptation, which I can easily resist, but I am old and uninterested in matters of sexuality.  Jack, however, is NOT old and uninterested.  He is fond of joking with people and saying, "Lead me not into temptation.  I can find the shit myself!"  The attraction to men bothers him enormously, not because he feels gay people are bad or wrong, but because he is a married man, and feels that "forsaking all others" definitely includes men, with which I agree.

For all intents and practical purposes, we consider ourselves part of a

n unconventional Gay Marriage.  The simple, plain truth of the matter, though, is that this does not stop some within from more or less yearning for a male body’s touch, among other things.  Naturally, this is not allowed.  Marriage is marriage, and straying would be infidelity, which is strictly forbidden among all of us. 

This leaves the men within questioning the validity of their feelings.  One can see how this could present a problem, in the area of personal identity and happiness.  No longer do they feel free to admit that they are gay men.  The world views Herman and Laurice as a straight couple, even though this is not the case.  I do not know why this matters so much to my sons, yet the fact is that it DOES matter to them.  I shall be praying that God will ease their minds, with time.

I hope this explained a few things that needed to be expressed.

Love to everyone,

Thelma Louise