Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes..still

The oddest thing just happened to me.

I was visiting Laurie in the hospital, and when I came out and walked toward the van, a lady hollered out for me. She asked if I could take her to her sister’s house, across town, because she’d run out of gas and couldn’t get her car home. Sounded ok, plus I knew her from someplace…just barely.  I never would have believed the next part if I hadn’t been there.

We get to her sister’s house, and the police are there. Turns out, her sister had just been walking somewhere, and a car hit her! Nothing major, but it was really bad timing, and nothing came of it. No gas money. By this time, I was feeling really involved, so I wanted to help her get some gas money.

So I pulled into a random parking lot, to make some phone calls. I don’t like talking or texting while driving. Anyway, turns out there was a mini-concert going on down the street…could hear it where we were. While I was making calls, she walked down to where the concert was to solicit help. I don’t like that kind of thing, but if she wasn’t afraid/ashamed to do it, I wasn’t going to try to stop her. 

Ok, I wait for what feels like forever, and she comes back and says she’s going somewhere with a guy she knew once…and had a LOOOOT of fun with, once.

That’s when I started getting a little uneasy. Laurie knew what was up, because I’d told her. When I told her that last part, she said to go home. So I did.

The part I didn’t tell Laurie about was relatively minor, but it fucked up my head some. It had nothing to do with that woman. It was about a man.

While I was waiting, I saw a man walking down the street to the concert, and my "daaaaayum, he’s fine" bell started clanging. Naturally, I didn’t do anything about it except watch him walk, but a few seconds after he was out of sight, I went into another hate-myself episode. I guess I CHOOSE not to get out in public…just didn’t know it was more of a conscious choice than I thought. I am so disgusted at my own reaction, because I am NOT single, NOT free to do whatever….so why can’t I figure a way not to focus on these things?