She is home again…and a little about today *EDIT

This day began in the most unexpected way EVER!!!!!

If you’ve read me for a while, you probably know that my stepdad has never accepted me as part of the family. He’s been married to my mother for almost 23 years, so that’s a long time to hold a grudge.

Today, he texted my mother the word "help", when she and I were about to go see Laurie in the hospital. We went to check on him. Well, she did. I was just there, hiding in the truck. She came out and asked me if my back was in good enough condition to help her pick Wayne up. He was falling out of his chair. I said that yes, I could help and added that it wouldn’t really matter if my back was good or not. He needed help, I was there and capable, so how could I say no? So I go in there and see how he’s positioned. It was a shock.

To see my formerly-strong stepdad, who always seemed like he was made out of steel, slumped over, trapped between his recliner and the floor….well, it stunned me. I involuntarily said, "Oh my God!" Mama told me Wayne would have to grab one of my wrists, while I supported his arm with my other arm. It went quickly and easily enough. I didn’t know that he was okay once he was on his feet, but HE told me, "Just get me that walker. I’m alright." To have him SPEAK to me; not yell, not cuss, not gripe that I was in his presence; was a really INTENSE feeling. I had to go back outside for what else Mama had to help him do. As I stepped outside, the tears started running down my face. I was crying for two reasons: a) the shock of seeing him in such a helpless condition b) the fact that, no matter the REASONS, he accepted my help and didn’t seem to resent my being present. 

So it was a very powerful morning; one I’ve prayed for for 20ish years. I’ve been waiting that long to prove to him that I am his son, too, not just my mother’s and father’s. And today, that felt like an accomplished goal, and a damned big one!

I wound up loading Laurie’s chair into the van and going to the hospital separately from Mama, after helping Wayne. Good thing, because they soon said that they were discharging Laurie, but Mama couldn’t wait around for it to happen. She stayed for a good length of visit, then had to go to be with Wayne. Boy, we’re just alike with that co-dependency thing.

It was not pretty, waiting for her to be released…Laurie, that is. I got angry again when something made her cry. It seemed so unnecessary, but there was some kind of bad mojo major grudge thing going on with me towards her today. I yelled, she yelled, it was crazy!

Since she’s been home, we’ve both agreed to try harder to get along, and the result has been a mostly-pleasant day. I’ll admit that the unpleasant moments were really my fault. I THINK I’m over being mad at her this time, and I’m praying there will not BE a next time for this.

So here I sit, typing this out before going to bed. It’s been a good day, in spite of the horrible mood swings I’ve had. Life goes on, and I’m gonna make sure it’s as happy as possible. It’s about time I did that, isn’t it?

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August 29

So far, so good today. I have not felt anger towards Laurie, so I guess I DID let it all out. Bad for her and good for her, all at the same time. Good that it’s out…bad that she had to hurt because of it being LET out. 

I love my wife. I don’t know if she knows just how much. I try to tell her and show her…just worry that I fail on both counts.

Herman Forstmann

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