Pissy Wuss ****edit****

 

My Mikey, I love you

∞ • π³ + 1

 

I’m in a really foul mood.  Today, our water was cut off.  I just went to Nanny’s and filled up 20 drinking-water bottles.

It’s really fucking frustrating that no one seems to understand what we’ll be going through with no way to flush the toilet, water the cat, wash/clean ourselves, etc.  We can’t go visit Memaw because we sweat too much in the goddamned pig sty house.  We can’t go anywhere in public, as if I fucking WANT to, anyway, because my SMELL will offend people – including me.

Yet, today, Mama informs me that she won’t go visit Memaw, so it’s up to us to do it.  Ok, what part of "I’m hot, sweaty, and stinky and CAN’T clean up" don’t you understand, Mama?!!!!!

I’m so goddamned tired of this shit.  I just want to get the fuck away from this stupid-ass family – or at least that’s what they CALL themselves…my family – and go live near our daughters, even though one of THOSE doesn’t want us, either.

FUCK YOU to everybody who hates us so goddamned much!  If you don’t give a shit about us, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU!!!!  LOUSY FUCKING BASTARDS!!!!!!

I hate life.

Piers the Fucking Cunt

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Ok, after that entry, we sat around, arguing for a while.  Eventually, we went to Nanny’s house, primarily for the air conditioning, because I pretty much knew Nanny couldn’t/wouldn’t help us with the water bill.

Surprise surprise, it was a pretty pleasant visit, for the most part.  We had idle chit-chat with Nanny, discussed a little of current events, and then Nanny finally got bitchy about Memaw again.  I didn’t get angry, really.  Defensive, yes, but not angry.

For the first time, I said some words out loud that I’ve only WRITTEN before.  I looked Nanny squarely in the eyes and told her, "Memaw is DYING, Nanny."  Calmly, rationally, and sincerely.  The shock of saying those words hit me a little later, though.  I guess I didn’t really believe it or something, because saying it out loud was really hard.

Nanny brought up some episodes where Memaw had told lies about her.  I can’t and won’t deny that, because it DID happen.  Memaw told some things about Nanny that were flatly untrue, but I don’t hold it against her.  I reminded Nanny of two things.

First, that Grandpa exhibited signs of Alzheimer’s that we had not really paid as much mind to as we did, later.  Far before his final hospitalization, he did some things that just didn’t make any sense, but we just chalked it up to brain farts, even though we didn’t use that expression then.

Secondly, when Nanny asked why Memaw made up things about her and told people nasty things about her, I reminded Nanny of something else that the doctors and nurses had told us back then.  Grandpa, they said, was an exception to the rule, where went behavior.  He was always nice and respectful, even when he didn’t make sense.  They told us, back in the late 1980s, that most of their Alzheimer patients were NOT like him.  Most of them got rude, hateful, cranky, and disrespectful.  I reminded Nanny that the incidents about Memaw happened when Memaw was already getting sick.

I didn’t blow up.  I didn’t even really get angry.  I felt pretty good about the way I handled things.  It hit me on the way home, though…..Memaw is dying.  I know everyone has to die, sooner or later, but Memaw has a disease that will MAKE her die.  A terminal illness.  I hadn’t fully considered that, I guess, because it struck me rather forcefully.

There is nothing I can do to cure the situation, though.  I have but one option, that

I can see….spend as much time as I can with BOTH grandmothers, be as nice and supportive as I know how to be, and try to make them as happy as I can.

I hope our grandchildren feel that way about us, someday.

Piers