Not a bad thing, necessarily

 

My Mikey, I love you

∞ • π³ + 1

In reference to the quote above, I only add this : more than you know.  Maybe more than you’ll ever know.

I love my family more than anything in this world, and I hope they know that.

For some reason, I have a strange feeling tonight.  I feel as if my time is growing very short…I might not be alive much longer.  I’m not depressed.  I haven’t made anyone angry enough to be murderous, that I am aware of….I don’t know where the feeling comes from, but it’s here.

It’s not a bad feeling, exactly.  If this is the end of my life, then I will only pray for mercy, that I do not suffer enormously, and that I go in as peaceful a manner as possible, not so much for my own sake, but for those who love me.

This is the end of something,  but I don’t know what.  I’m just afraid it’s my life.  It feels as if the world is crumbling, yet I’m strangely calm and at peace with it, as if I know in my soul that this has to be.  Maybe my heart has perceived something my mind has yet to grasp.

There is always the possibility that this feeling is simply wrong.  I’m not really wanting to die, so I wouldn’t mind if I lived.

I just looked at my watch.  It says it’s 11:37pm.  It is Friday, August 31, 2007.  What happens in the next day or the next few days may be good, bad, or indifferent.  I just had a thought that maybe I’m feeling something in place of one of my grandmothers.  I don’t want their lives to be over, either, yet the calm that I feel tells me that if that IS what it is…if one of my parents’ mothers is dead…they were at peace with it, and I should be happy for that….or satisfied, if not happy.

Maybe I’m just being crazy.  I don’t know.

I  just pray that everyone in my life knows how much they mean to me.  All my longtime friends, my precious family….and I have been missing Daddy again, lately.

So what happens happens.  If nothing does, that is okay.  If something does, it will have to be okay.  I feel the presence of God right now…I have felt Him all day long.  I know He will take care of me, no matter what lies ahead.  I know He will take care of everyone I love, and even those I do not love or know.

I pray for blessings for everyone.  Miracles happen every single day, and I hope they happen in abundance now.

I love you,

Herman Fredrick Forstmann, Jr.