Nightly depression regression

Proving it, bit by bit……

I don’t know what’s up, exactly. Mikey just tried to tell me he sent an e-mail to me on AOL, but I sure didn’t understand what he was trying to say. He had arranged it yesterday….I forget what AOL calls that, when you set it up in advance.

This fucking memory problem has GOT to go. Also, I’ve been pissed off as hell lately with a few revelations I’ve had about myself, among other things. I didn’t ever piece it together in this mind that I was the one Daddy used to jump on for taking things too literally.

I also didn’t realize that I am quite so frail. Jacky’s pointed comments about my quirks really opened up some things to me. I know, it’s like, "You should have known yourself better". Go figure.

So who in here can tell me if there are any more little nasty surprises in store for me?

Fuck it! I said I was doing battle with myself, so I guess I have to. I made the rule for myself, and Jacky observed that I feel I MUST keep to rules, especially the ones I set myself.

Besides, it’s for the best of everyone. I mean everyone in the Whole Herman’s life.

I resent feeling like such a fucking dunderhead. Things often fly right over my head, and I am left feeling so goddamned stupid, which pisses me off. I jokingly told Mikey earlier that I am chronologically older than Jack, but not emotionally. Jack even has about forty years on me, emotionally. I guess it wasn’t such a funny, after all.

I don’t like myself.

Duh, huh?

PdC

Jacksbetterhalf

Piers I’m the dinga bat ok and well frankly right now my head is so muzzy I don’t even know what I’m doing awake at all except well tomorrow we will be without cable prolly most of the day and again the stupid badges always the stupid badges thing ya know anyways your not stupid and my head is just messed up becuz of what they gave me at the hospitla today ok take it easy on u ok please Mikey

KissOfLife!

June 30, 2005

awww that’s awesome, i love hearing stories like yours 🙂 thanks for your thoughts! 🙂

Your notes werent harsh, and I know the best thing is to start being honest with him now and I will, it will just take time for me to do that cause im not one that likes confrentation and I know thats what it will be with him. I also know he loves his aunt, but she dont really love him in return, she only uses him when she needs something and that really gets to me but he dont see it that way.

I know she probably lied about talking to him about all of this lying stuff, but I know that if he really wants to do this and I wont sign for anything then I also know he will go behind my back and lie to the hospital. I know him and what he will do for the things he wants. His aunt is so sick that the hospital already told them that even w/his kidney she still has a great possibality she wont

make it long because she dont take care of herself also there is the possibality that her body will reject his kidney, then he went through all of this for nothing, and that worrys me like crazy. I will talk to him soon but right now we are fighting once again so its not the best of times, but I will get to it to see what he has to say abut my feelings in this whole thing. Thanks for the notes