Nice ending to a hectic day

I don’t have any idea WHY the day is ending on a positive note…I’m just really glad it is.

As you can guess, today was not such a humdinging good day.  It began okay, but quickly went downhill once we got moving.

Early on, My Mikey discovered that, as predicted, the migraine he’s had for about four days, I think, was bad enough to warrant a hospital visit.  Now, I will write a bit more about that later, but not now.  Maybe not tonight.  Before we went to the hospital, though, we stopped by Nanny’s house, which was a big BAD idea.

We asked Nanny for smoke money, and she threw a fit, telling us that we all think she’s made of money and such.  Same stuff I’ve heard for years on end.  Hell, I WISH they’d E-N-D!!!!!  Anyway….we got money for cigs, and it was spent on cigs, drinks, and My Mikey’s headache medicine.  Medigoddamncaid still won’t switch the name on "Laurie’s" card to Forstmann, so we had to pay for the Rx out of pocket.  Little do they care how empty those pockets stay, for the most part.

I have to say that I’m proud of Louis.  He stood up to Nanny today.  MH had asked Nanny yesterday for $100.  Well, Nanny decided that MH must have $400 instead.  We wouldn’t have said anything about that except that Nanny acted as if buying a pack apiece of cigs for us was some major crime.  She said, about four thousand  times, that it was the laaaaaaast money that we’d get from her this month.  It hurt Louis’s feelings how she kept saying that over and over, so he told her to stop saying it.  We got it.  She had made her point.  It was also unfair to him, stated he, that MH asked for $100 and is getting, with NO COMPLAINTS, three hundred extra dollars.

Ok.

The hospital always brings out the worst in us.  I think anyone reading this knows that by now.  We did the hospital thing and the pharmacy thing and came home.

I got a call from MH.  We hashed out details about Maria AGAIN.  As usual, MH listened with only half an ear the last few days, but I’m goddamned tired of fighting about it.  Then, I read my spouse the e-mail that Maria received outlining part of our plan, but it has to stick, I guess, because my sister never hears anything she doesn’t WANT  to hear!!!!!

Then came the real blow.

I got a call from Mama, telling me she needed my help.  My initial reaction was NOT graceful or gracious, and I regret that now, considering what had happened.

Memaw had fallen down and could not get up.  At all.  Her legs stopped working temporarily.  That scared the fuck out of me, and I practically flew out to Mama’s house.  During the drive, I listened to a song I like a lot about four and a half times….that’s how long the drive takes…so it is not that far, see?  I bawled like a baby in the car, because I know my grandmother is dying.  Both of them, really, but I feel it in my bones that Memaw is going to die within the next month.  I don’t know WHY or HOW I can be so sure, but I am almost positive of it.  I’m not telling Memaw that, of course, but I fear it.  And it IS a fear.  I’ve always had Memaw and Nanny, and the thought of not having them is terrifying.  Once they’re gone, I have Granny, who is Wayne’s mother, and then no natural grandparents.  No grandparents!!!!  I can’t deal with that thought very well yet.  I know I’ll have to someday, lessen the Lord decides to call me home first.

Memaw ultimately stood up on her own again, after I hurt her in my attempt to pick her up.  I wanted to cry again, but I didn’t want her to see that.

I love My Memaw so much, and it is painful as hell to see what is happening to her now.  I have been praying (and will KEEP praying) that God has mercy on her and us and takes her peacefully before it reaches the point she can’t cope with it anymore.  She’s still here enough to know what’s happening to her, and that kills me.  I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it, and I’m smart enough to know that the only real option I have is to be as good to her as I can be and make whatever time she has left as pleasant as it can be.

God, I don’t want to be living through this.  These are the parts of life I never wanted, but I knew they would come, if I lived long enough myself.

Tomorrow, my Uncle Ray would be 50 years old.  I miss him sometimes.  Mama misses him ALL the time.  Of course she does, though.  That was her baby brother.

Time flies.  Time fells.  Time sometimes births and sometimes bites.

Oh hell.

It’s life, I know.

My Mikey, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack