Maybe it should STAY a mystery…

I don’t know what has prompted the line of thinking I’m having right now, but so what?  It’s here, I’m here, and I want to get it out.

Next month, I will be turning 36 years old, assuming I make it that far (and there’s no reason to think I won’t…I hope! lol).  

When I was 30, my life took a huge turn, and circumstances forced me to reevaluate my life.  Then at 35, it happened again.  I’m wondering if there might be a new outlook coming my way in my 36th year, hopefully minus the life altering experience.  I’m kinda tired of those.

Of course, as soon as I say that, I have to take it back.  We are looking into adopting Isaiah, our middle grandson.  It won’t be a sure thing in either direction for quite a while, but I have issues to sort out way before it happens, anyway.  That would be a positive life altering experience.

Life is a great big mystery, and for a long time, I’ve been trying to understand it and figure it out.  With a suddenness that suprises me, I suddenly realize that maybe it should STAY a mystery.  Wouldn’t it be totally boring and unreal if I knew everything? lol  Wouldn’t I be completely world-weary if I had it all figured out?  Besides, even though I’m a moderately intelligent person, I SERIOUSLY doubt I’m smart enough to be able to grasp God’s entire plan, anyway!

All I know for sure is that I am supposed to be as good a person as I can be.  I’m supposed to help others when I am capable of doing so.  I’m supposed to be supportive and encouraging, not toxic and destructive.  Who says?  I do.  I have defined these standards for myself.  Naturally, there has been a great deal of help and some experience behind forming my moral compass, as my wife calls it.  I do my best to live by the Ten Commandments.  Even if I were not a Christian, those rules would be a pretty good standard to live by.  After all, they’re the basic guidelines I would want my children and grandchildren to grow up knowing and observing.  

I am no one’s judge.  As I typed that,  it dawned on me that maybe that "no one" should include ME.  I DO judge myself…and quite harshly, at that.  Maybe I shouldn’t do that.  I don’t want my daughters to do it to themselves, so why should it be different for me?  After all, I am someone’s child, too.  Would my parents want me to be so strict with myself….well, "strict", maybe, but not so harsh that I would gladly shoot myself in the head sometimes.  Sadly, I mean that literally.

One thing has become clear to me, lately.  I am a strong person.  I have good morals and values, and I do my best to uplift those around me, rather than bring them down.  Reality checks are well and good, but in my view, if you’re gonna tell someone, "You can’t live like this…", then it’s your DUTY to follow it up by suggesting how they SHOULD live!  If you don’t know the answer to that, keep your bloomin’ mouth shut!  Easier said than done.

So it’s a mystery.  Will that kill me?  Nope.  Something will, eventually – thank God I don’t know what and when – but that won’t be it.  If I’m supposed to understand, someday I will.  If not, what will it hurt?

Love and hugs to everyone,

H

Herman Forstmann

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