Leave her or die?

That seems to be the general consensus among friends and family….that I have to get away from my wife before she kills me. 

While it’s the same advice I’d give someone else, reality has kicked in and slapped me in the face this time.  I would urge anyone to separate from anyone else doing them such harm, but this is MY WIFE.  I promised NOT to turn and run when things got rough!!!!!  Doesn’t that fucking COUNT to anyone?  

This morning, she woke up crying.  She came out into the living room, sat down, and when I woke up (I was on the couch), she said, "I’m so sorry for the past few days."  She apologized for binging on her meds, she apologized for being a "total bitch".  Her words, not mine.

Then, I’m talking to one particular friend, and she asks if I’m still going to my sister’s house to get away.  I say I’m thinking about it, but I don’t know what to do.  She gets angry with that and I say to have SOME mercy.  Boy, that was the wrong thing to say.  She said she would have mercy on her, but she has a DRUG PROBLEM.  

Ok, does that officially make her lower than scum?  I know it’s hard to hear me suffer.  I know it’s hard to fathom, but I DO still love this person with all my heart.  Why else would I have gotten married to her?!!!!!!  WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THIS IS SO CUT AND DRIED, WHEN IT ISN’T?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The fact that my wife asked me not to leave matters to me.  I can’t just ignore it, can I?  Would I like that done to me? 

This is not just a person I know.  This is my other half.  This is the one that, good or bad, God joined me to.  Leave her or die?  I don’t know what to say.  If I die, then I guess you can put on my tombstone that I had it coming!

Jack