Jack thinking back

I remember when My Mikey first arrived. Actually, it was Hank who greeted me. I waited at the bus station in Waco for over half an hour; not too sure how long it was, exactly. I don’t know if I was early or if the bus was just that late. It was late, mind you.

There I was with my semi-long black hair, my fagg-boots (zippered, ankle-boots), black jeans, and a t-shirt under the beautiful turquoise sequinned shirt My Beautiful Baby had sent to me. As I waited, I thought about what Chrissy (a friend from Cali) had said….”There is no Peter. It’s Laurie pretending to be Peter.” Part of me said he was lying just because he didn’t end up with “Peter”. Then I realized that he was not the type to do such a thing. I battled with myself about it.

Then the bus arrived.

I watched carefully for a young blonde man. There was not even ONE. Then I saw my now-wife step through the bus carrying two blankets. One is a Mexican wedding blanket, I think. The other is a Little Mermaid blanket. Both of those blankets are on our bed every night, even now. I KNEW that Chrissy had told me the truth, without even having to meet this person, then. I felt it in my bones, but still wondered if maybe I was wrong.

Hank came up to me in the station. He said, “Herman Forstmann?” I knew for sure then. It was so. At that time, I was angry as hell. That ended rather quickly from what followed.

While My Mikey lay in the hospital (read entries from January 2005 if you don’t know about this), I slept under his blankets, used his pillow, and wept for what my reaction to his arrival had done. I had rejected him, and he had died for it. I had called Tiffany that first day, January 5, 2005, and told her that her mother had attempted suicide. She told me, “Please don’t let her go in there alone, Herman (this was before she called me Dad). If my Mom goes in there alone, she’ll die. You HAVE to go in there with her!!!!” I was terrified to call Tiffany that day, but I knew I had to do it, because someone had to tell her JUST IN CASE.

As it wound up, that first night, at the hospital, I wrote out a note to myself, asking what I loved about My Mikey and could I still love this person who would have the same qualities that had made me fall head over heels in love with her/him….him, really. I asked myself if I could live with “Laurie”. I realized that first day that whether or not I could live with “Laurie”, I could NOT live without My Mikey. He existed in there, I felt it.
I found out later that the suicide attempt was successful, but, of course, my better half was brought back. God just wasn’t ready to have My Beautiful Mikey Baby up there with Him, and I’m so glad. I would never have been happy again if I lived to be a thousand had My Mikey not pulled through. Since then, I have come to love and appreciate all that inhabit the body of my spouse, but I am still a designated Mikey Man! 😉

Thinking on this helps me realize just how much I love my life partner, my “wife”, my spouse, the person I chose and who chose me to spend eternity with.

My Mikey – Thank you, sweet baby. I am so glad you are here, alive, and part of me as you are. Thank you for letting me choose you. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for giving me two beautiful daughters and four amazing grandchildren. Thank you for making this lonely life bearable. I have always and will always love you more than anyone or anything in this world. I hope you know that, my darling.

I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack