Is it just me?

Is it just me, or does it seem wrong for person A’s best friend to know that person A is in need of financial help, but person B brags that she is about to receive a $1000 check and plans to give two other friends $100 each, but doesn’t mention person A at all? 

Now, I know nobody owes anyone anything.  I want to state that now.  I’m a little on the hurt side, though, because Stacy, my best friend, came by the other day and said that to me.  Out of nowhere, too.  I asked her if she was telling me that so we could borrow money or just to brag.  She didn’t answer.  I guess that’s her business, but it seemed rather cruel to me that she would even bother telling me if she had zero intention to help us in any way.  I congratulated her, though.  When I asked if she was intending to let us borrow any or if she was just bragging, I was almost joking, but the more I think about it, the meaner it seems.  WHY tell me this, KNOWING that we don’t have a lot of food because our entire checks went toward the house payment and bills?  I suppose I could have understood, if she’d have left it with just the fact of getting that amount on her next check.  Why did she have to volunteer that she was going to give two other friends $100 each?  

I don’t guess it matters.  I’m growing very weary of Stacy nowadays, anyway.  She only talks to me when I have something to offer her.  We have been friends for 30 years, and nothing has ever changed.  

Yesterday, Mama came over for a rare visit.  She and Wayne had another fight about me, which made me feel guilty.  She said she told him she was coming to see me, and he said, "Why?  To give him money?"  And then she said that he said that because "we owe you money".  I told her she didn’t owe me anything; it just would have been nice to have been given a thank you.  Of course, MAMA DID say thank you….I was hoping for one from Wayne, too.  I must be insane.  I can’t think of any other reason why I keep hoping things will change with Wayne and me.  It hasn’t happened in 20 years, why now?  Winds up, Mama screamed at Wayne that he was a sorry sonofabitch.  She also pointed out to me that she did not and will not apologize.  

One of my brothers (one of Wayne’s sons) is going through an ugly divorce, and Mama told me that she had told my sister-in-law (whom I adore) that she noticed my brother was trying to come between her and the son she had from a previous relationship.  Mama told her, "Don’t do it, Keisha.  Don’t let him come between Cody and you.  I let Wayne come between Jr. and me, and I’ve regretted it every since."  That made me feel bad.

What the hell is the matter with me?!  Sometimes I get so angry with Mama over this whole Wayne thing…the way she is only here for me if it’s convenient to her husband, etc.  Sometimes I feel like she would deserve to be punished or something, but then when I know she’s unhappy or feels guilty about it, I don’t like it one bit!  It’s the same thing as with our kids and grandkids….knowing Mama is in pain is worse than being in it myself.  

I don’t really have much else to say.  It’s not even 6am yet, and I’m the only one awake.  So let’s just see how today goes.

Love,

Hermy

Herman Forstmann

Promote Your Page Too