Instead of a Blue Christmas, a Blue New Year

 

 

 

 

 

My Mikey, I love you

 

∞ • π³ + 1

 

 

 

 

I know everyone gets a shudder when they see this font color and realize who uses it.  For that, I apologize, I guess.  It doesn’t seem worth the time to apologize anymore, though.

For those who have yet to catch on, I am Piers, the evil, nasty, rotten bastard within this body.  Apparently, I’m so unpleasant that nobody ever really wants to deal with me.  Don’t worry…I don’t want to deal with me, either.

I’ve been depressed for the last few days.  After our last post, things started changing.  It’s not as if the world is ending or anything, obviously, but it is not easy for me to cope right now.

Elisabeth is with that bitch Pearl, who mistreats everyone and abandons her children for men.  My baby is stuck being a mom to children she didn’t give birth to, and there’s not a goddamned thing I can do about it.

Tiffany has gone to sleep and Stormy, her alter, has emerged.  Stormy does not like the children, nor does she want the responsibility for them.  I do not believe she will harm them or anything, but I am afraid she might give them away.

Mikey keeps getting headaches over and over and over and over and over and over again.  His blood pressure soars really high when it happens.  The other night, after talking to Stormy, I had to take Mikey to the hospital, and it hit me why I’ve been so depressed again lately…..it feels like God’s trying to tell me He wants my family more than I do.

Now, I’m not usually one to argue with God.  I want my family, though.  I felt like my spouse was dying the other night, bit by bit, and my daughter might "get rid of" our grandchildren.  The only constant ray of hope is that Elisabeth seems so damned strong and mostly unflappable.  She gets down, and sometimes she cries, but she always realizes, eventually, that she can and will keep going and that she is not in the wrong in everything.  I am so grateful to God for that!!!!

We must get me back on meds SOOOOON!!!!!!!  I can’t deal with this shit.  Not only am I depressed, but the other things that have plagued me in the past are returning,  such as a deep paranoia,  psychotic tendencies, and fear of almost EVERYTHING that is so deep, I have panic attacks just leaving the house now.  I can’t live like this.  I don’t WANT to, either.

Everytime I lay a plan and then fail to accomplish it because of some fear, I feel like less than a man, and like I’m failing my whole family as well as myself.  That, naturally, sends me into self-loathing, which leads to a drop right into depressionville.

Fucking mind.  I hate my brain!

Hope everyone else is ok.

PdC