I’m sorry

I am a sorry, no-excuse, piece-of-shit man. My husband won’t even have any respect for me when that fucking bitch gets through with us. I hate Lola right now.

I want to die.

Dear child, this attitude and outlook is NOT acceptable.  I will never tolerate your self-destructive urges, and I will fight you tooth and nail when you feel this way.  You may very well WANT to die, but you are not going to do it.  Momma will not let you, as long as I have any breath to draw or a mind with which to think!  Do not forget for one minute that this is MY body, too.  You cannot dispose of me this easily, as you should well know.  How much have we survived before?  This shall not bring me down.  If it brings our dear Jack down, then that is a consequence we, as a family, must deal with.  Jack, you cannot kill just yourself.  You would then be responsible for the deaths of  10 other people within one body, and I, for one, am not going to stand by quietly and LET you do this!  I make my vow, here and now, that I will step in and take necessary preventative measures at ANY time it seems plausible to do so. 

I do not wish to fight.  I wish to preserve.  Sometimes a mother’s job is to step in and guide.  That can require actions that I do not want to take.  If you insist on dying much more, I may have to have us locked up someplace to prevent that.  Do not for one minute think that I will idly let you kill darling Michael just because you have no more guts to face things.  It does not work this way.  It never has, and it never will.  LEARN THIS, DEAR ONES.  I have ultimate say, as you have all granted it to me.  I will not have a mutiny onboard.  To hell with that!  I am oldest, and sometimes wisest, though not always. 

This is my battle cry, my darling family.  You will NOT self-destruct.  If the world falls in, we shall find our own hole in which to take residence.  We WILL make the best of things, and whatever trouble you present me with shall be dealt with in a timely and effective manner.  Much as when you were growing up, I shall step in and guard all our lives with a passion unequalled by anyone else present here.  I will NOT vanish quietly into the night.  Do not try to force me to do that!

I love you Jack.  Please know how very much your mother loves you.  I cannot take a careless role in this matter.  Attentiveness equals concern, at least for now, so be prepared for motherly intrusions.  You are sure to have them.

Michael, my darling, take comfort that we are ALL in Momma’s arms.  I have changed the way we spell that from “Mama” to “Momma” to lessen confusion when this body refers to a mother.  Mama is Sue.  Momma is I, Thelma Louise.

I love you,

Momma