I’d like to come in out of the world

Do you know what it’s like to reach the point when you feel so uncertain about whether you can or cannot take something that is happening in your life?  I am to that point now.

Last night, at Mama’s, when I said goodnight to Memaw, she looked really sad and annoyed.  Also, she wasn’t able to put together a sentence very easily.  I don’t think it was a stroke or anything.  I think she’s just as depressed about what’s happening to her as we are.  Coupled with Alzheimer’s setting firmly in, that’s going to complicate her abilities to do anything.

As My Mikey said on one of his notes to me, we don’t want Memaw NOT to last forever.  She’s been one of the strongest influences in Mama’s and my life, and she is someone I look up to more than almost anyone.

I remember my mother always telling me that the greatest compliment I ever paid her was to tell her she was just like her mother.  I was about four or so, I think she says, and I looked up at her and said, "You’re just like Memaw."

I am not claiming any kind of special status as a human being.  Please understand that I don’t think I’m better than anyone else.  I just want to ask why this is happening to my precious sweet little white-haired grandmother.

I almost can’t think of anything else right now.  It’s always her.  I don’t know if that’s good or bad, you know?

I’d sure like to come in out of the world, but there’s nowhere to come into.

My Mikey, I love you forever times PI cubed plus one,

Your Jack