I went to bed missing them

 

My Mikey, I love you

∞ • π³ + 1

Last night, just after lying in bed, I thought about Memaw’s having said she misses Mikey every time he’s not there for a visit.

That prompted thoughts….melancholy, in this case.

I thought about Mama and Memaw’s last visit to my Aunt Daisy, Memaw’s sister.  She died in 2001.  During their last visit to her, out at Heritage Oaks in Corsicana, Aunt Daisy asked about me.  Mama said I was the only one Aunt Daisy asked about by name.  When she died, I grieved HARD, because I had been wanting to go see her for a long time, but, due to a misunderstanding of her location, I did not do it.  I had been under the impression that she was in Fort Worth, in a hospice of some kind.  Nobody bothered to tell me that it had only been a temporary move for her, and that she was back in Corsicana, so I missed out on seeing Aunt Daisy again until her funeral.

I was angry, hurt, and GUILTY about that for quite some time.  Time has eased those emotions a lot.  Now, when I think of her, I have a sad feeling, but I know she would tell me that I didn’t know, so it wasn’t my fault and I shouldn’t be down on myself for it.  That’s the way she was.

I thought about Josh Gallamore’s brother Nathan.  Nathan was 18 when he took a shotgun and blew his brains out.  The worst part for me, personally, was Josh’s reaction.  It wasn’t grief.  It wasn’t sadness.  It was COLD!  And I love this man, so the coldness in response to his brother’s suicide disturbed me.

When I asked him how Nathan died, he told me that Nathan had been drinking, felt sorry for himself, so he decided to get one of their dad’s guns…..and he recalled this with absolutely ZERO emotion.

So I’ll remember Nathan with some warmth.  Nobody deserves to be remembered with no warmth.

I went to bed thinking of these people, and a few more.  Makes for a grounding experience.

If you can’t do yourself the favor of having a good day, please try to do it because your friend Betty asked you to, ok?

Love,

Betty Louise