I think they prefer me crazy

I’m not sure what is going on, exactly, around this family and this household.

It feels like there is a conspiracy between Maria, Lola, Hank, and Mary Helen to see if they can mentally break me while I try to hold a job.  Why not resent me for FINALLY doing my fucking duty as a "man"?!!!  Makes sense to me….NOT!

I am bitter as hell right now.  Confused, too, but definitely bitter. 

Lola won’t admit to it, but she fucks things up for me on purpose.  Thanksgiving was a goddamned nightmare because she made plans with Mikey without any discussion on my part.  Mikey wanted to hold to the plans no matter what, which made me angry, because I don’t get to see Johnny that often.  Hank and Oscar had their most bitter fight on the goddamned HIGHWAY over this.

Now, Maria and Hank have had it out and reached agreement, but Hank sees it as a betrayal of the agreement that Maria wrote to Mary Helen this morning, asking what to do.  Well, BIG FUCKING DEAL!!!!!!

I think I would rather they shoot me in the head and get it over with.  I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow.  Maybe everyone will be friendlier if I’m a lowdown piece of shit who is unemployed and draining social resources again.  Who fucking knows?

In "The Wiz",  Dorothy sings a song called "Is This What Feeling Gets?".  Well, I ask is this what working gets?  If so, FUCK WORKING!  I’m not gonna try to improve my family’s life if my efforts make things worse.

Thank you SO GODDAMNED MUCH for your fucking support!  The only ones who showed me support were Tiffany, Elisabeth, and Johnny.

 You love me?

NO!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Betty