I could scream and spit nails right now! *Updated*

As I just posted on Facebook, I need to get one of those "Bang Head Here" signs for my wall.  I’m sooooo frustrated right now!!!!!

I can’t find hide nor hair of any useful information (translation: instructions on how to draft the petition) on adopting my girls.  I now know the fees involved.  Minimum it will cost is $540 to adopt both of them.  While that’s reasonable for adoption, at least in my neck of the woods, it might as well be a million dollars!  I can’t AFFORD to adopt them, but damnit, I’m gonna figure out a way to do it, anyway!!!!!

It’s 5:45am, and I’ve been up for a little over an hour.  No matter what I do, I can’t seem to sleep for very long at a time, and then there are all these thoughts running through my head….mostly about the adoption process or about serial murders….weird combo, eh?  Not that either one is connected to the other!!!!!!!

I so wish my family understood how much this means to me and would at least CONSIDER helping me out.  Mary Helen said she’d go to the Law Library in Austin for me yesterday, but she didn’t.  I didn’t remind her, because she’s been trying to talk me OUT of adopting the girls.  Make a will, she says.  Make a Medical Directive, she says.  It’s not just that, damnit!  Why doesn’t anyone in my family seem to think I deserve having MY OWN KIDS?!!!!!  That fucking hurts.  

Ok, so MH’s points make sense, in one way.  From a legal standpoint, it will cost FAR less to make out a will and Medical Directive than to adopt the girls.  That’s not what I’m concerned about, though.  I don’t want to HAVE to do those things!  I feel it’s my RIGHT, as a parent, to automatically have my daughters be first consideration (legally), after my wife.  Mary Helen is always about saving money, saving money, saving money, except, of course, when it’s HER life in question.  Then, she’ll spend like a drunken sailor, and not only her own money, but that’s a whole other story, and I don’t feel comfortable elaborating on that yet.  

Do you know that MH even had the audacity to suggest I not marry Laurie, just so that we could keep our higher SSI payments?  Yes, they lower your SSI when you get married.  Stupid.  Anyway, she totally didn’t GET that I wanted to be in a legal and binding partnership with my wife!  Does she even UNDERSTAND emotions?  I don’t think she does.  She was thinking with her head, not her heart, which is usually what happens with her.  My sister has NEVER been one to think with her heart.  She says my problem is exactly the opposite….that I ONLY think with my heart and never my head.  She might be right about that, but I’d rather be the way I am than like her.

As far as she was concerned, she did absolutely nothing wrong in suggesting that I not marry my wife.  I’m like "Hello?  Faux pas of the century, sis!"

Oy, this turned from my frustration about adoption proceedings in Texas to a rant about my sister.  How’d that happen?

Anyway, I feel better now, which is why I wrote, so I’ll wrap up this too-early-morning entry.  I think I will try to go back to bed for a while.

Love to all,

Jack

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Later in the day:

Now I feel really bad about what I said about my sister.  She just called me about half an hour ago and said she’d spoken with a lawyer friend, who told her all I have to do is go to the county seat’s courthouse, find the law library section of it, and obtain the necessary paperwork for adoption there.  I just found that out on Facebook, too, from a new friend, yesterday, but it’s nice to hear confirmation from a lawyer.  It so happens I LIVE in the county seat of Navarro County, so our courthouse SHOULD have the law library in it!</s

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K, I’m kind of in a hurry, because Mama will be here soon, and she expects to throw the papers that I didn’t roll yet today!!!!

 

Love,

 

Jack